deeply inlove
by CarlaCupCake1999
Summary: Carla Black is in deep depression what when Paul imprints on her, her whole world changes.
1. Chapter 1

dear diary,  
>i'm Carla Black and im 16 i live with my dad billy black and my big brother jacob black my mum died in a car crash when i was only young.<br>i look like a typical la push girl brown long hair,brown eyes and tanned skin.i like to chill with my two best friends their names are grace and georgia their the only people who keep my spirts high at the moment,jacob has become huge and really strong and i think his skin is in fire!  
>Hes being horriable to me and dad just lets him do it,i get so depressed i even get scared when im around him and hes my brother! i know it sounds stupid but...<p>"CARLA GET YOUR ASS DOWN STAIRS"jacob yelled at me i felt my inside shiver with fear.i lifted myself off my pink bed and went down the stairs to find jake and dad sitting at the kitchen table.i groaned then shuffled over to them "get me a drink"jacob demanded and he being the scared person i was did as he said,i placed in infrount of him.<br>He looked at the drink and then back at me with a look of descus "whats wrong?"i asked "WHATS WRONG?! What the fuck is that give me pop not water you silly bitch!" i could feel all the pain i had start to boil up inside of me and then it exploded "DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF,YOU CUNT! IM SICK OF UR SHIT LATELY YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE WITH YOUR MOOD SWINGS!"  
>Jacob and dad both looked at me with shocked looks on thier breathing was heavy and more anger got into my system and i lost control,<br>in a blink of a eye a chair was was on the floor in peaces,i could see in jakes eyes that he had realised what a dick he had been,not only was he rude but he would embarrse me infrount of his friends and pick on me at one pount he even threanted to kill me.

And to top it off i had help Grace with her family problems,you see her dad is beating her but she wont tell anyone she loves him to much ans i know she is scared out of her mind so ive got a lot on my plate at the moment,anyway...

"Carla i'm sorry come here"jacob said in a soft voice but as he came closer i stepped back"dont come near me you've done enough damage"i said was spite it came out like enom but i didnt care.i could see the look of upset and sorrow on his face.  
>i ran past him as tear was let lose i locked my door with shakey hands.i sat in my room for hours just thinking and thinking and more thinking untill my phone started to vibrate on my desk,i flip it up to find a message from Grace.<p>

GRACE-i cant take the beating anymore its all got to much for me i feel like i need to die ti find peace i love with all my heart dont forget me love grace x"

i panacied tears fell to the ground drowning me i chucked my phone across the my room,i swung open my door in fear and sprinted past jake "CARLA!"he shouted after me as i sprinted dpwn the road bear foot as fast as i could i could hear jacob running after me calling my name but i couldnt stop running grace was the only thing on my mind.i pushed myself against the la push wind my hair blowing all over the place but i didnt care.i got to the top of her road "GRACE!" I roared as i ran into her house and up the stairs i pushed and pulled the door to her room i had no choice that to break in so i bashed into the door untill the hinges flew off,a black leather belt around her nek and a chair under her tiny feet kick the chair away was i ran to her i ran under her and tried to hold her feet but it was to late or was it?


	2. Chapter 2

"NO!" I cried tears fell down my cheeks as i colapsed to the ground it pain i saw jacob walk in with a shocked look on his face he kept opening and closing his mouth no words i screamed in pain "GRACE!" i couldnt breath i looked up to see her body hanging i couldnt look at her dangaling like that so i undid the leather belt around her neck,jake catched her body as it fell and he laid her on the ground beside me.i put her head on my lap as i stoked her hair,my tears fell omto her cristal skin.i held her tight in my arms"im so sorry"  
>i cried "i love you" pain shot through my body this wasnt happening no it couldnt but the truth is it has and i felt like the shitest best friend.<p>i felt jacob try to move grace body but i pushed him away "dont touch her!" i shouted in pain i watched him back away and get out his phone.I memoried her feathers every freakle and every scar on her body and kissed her forehead with a frown on my sat down next to me but i didnt bother to look at him i was to upset.i wouldo of done anytihng to just hear her voice for the last time,no one unstands the pain i was in.<p>

it felt like i sat their for hours when i heard a car pulled up "CARLA!"my dad roared it just made me cry even more.  
>i saw a group of men who where all shirtless and looked a little like my brother they started whispering to jake about something i look back down to grace it broke my heart "i love you Grace Lucy Garland your always be my little angle"i cried outloud i felt everyones eyes on me but i didnt in an eye blink my borthers friends where trying to more grace but i gripped her closer to me "no dont take her!"i cried "please i need to be with her!"i screaming with agony and fear as jacob picked me up and carried me away for her "NO NO NOOOO PLEASE!" i scramed as he carried me down the stairs i saw one of the boys give me a look of sorrow and closed her bedroom door.i started to kik and punch and scream. "LEAVER HER!" i screamed at the top of my lungs.<p>

Jacob carried me down the stairs to the pourch where my dad was and moments later the ambulance rushed inside,i wanted to see my Grace just one for time."Put me down to want to see her now! i want to speak to her!" i cried "you cant carla"dad told me "yes i can let me go"i tried to wiggle out of his grip but he was to strong.i finally gave up and cried my eyes out.  
>Jacob put me down but as soon as i felt my feet hit the ground my legs gave way on my was i fell with a thud to the ground jacob came down to my level and wrapped his arms around me was i cried.i cried her me,i cried for grace,i cried for everyone.<p>

i lookd up and saw the ambulance men carrying her body in a body bag i looked up and ran over to the bag wanting to see her face "I want to see her!" a small man patted my back while saying in a soft tone "you cant sweetheart shes on her way to heaven" "thats my grace" i whispered and let tears drown me.

i looked back at my dad in his wheel chair,my brother next to him and his friends all standing next to jake "what am i going to do?" i ask as tears fell like rain. "come to daddy"dad whispered but lound enough so i could hear him.i dragged my feet behind me,as i reacher the wheel chair i sat on my dads lap and curled up in a ball as dad stroked my hair as if i was a a word was said the only thing that people could hear was my cries.

i heard the thunder rummble across the la push sky as it started to rain "i think it would be best to head back to Billy's house and get sort everything out their"  
>said a husky man he looked older than all the other boys but tell attractive like the dad of their group.<br>"yeah i think thats a good idea" dad said looking down as me as he pressed a kiss in my hair.

Jacob lifted he of dads lap and held me untill we reached his red rabbit be built in the garage a couple of weeks ago.  
>the ride homw was silent i looked out the window watching the trees pass by and then my eyes looked at the sky and i thought that if grace was up their she was in peace.<p>

as soon was i got home i ran to my room,got into Graces top she left and my house last weekend,i was a little on the big side but i was the way i like it the shirt came just above me knees and the blue material made me look like a ghost,my was was put into a lose side plat that went as the way down to my hips and my red eyes stood out the most.

i unlocked my door and walked into the living room to find everyone sitting down chatting but as soon as i walked in everyone went silent.i look at each and everyone to see nothing but looks of upset.

Graces face flashed into my head he beauty,her kindness,her bitchness and her came into my head like a wave had just hit me and the memores had so much force on me my legs started to shake."are you ok?"a boy said who i think was seth "no i feel like a part of me is missing"i stated dryly "i want Georgia" i said in a firm tone jacob looked at dad as if they where having a conversation in their heads "i dont think thats a good idea pricesess" dad relyed with "i didnt think Grace killing heself was a good idea but it hapened"

i heard one of the boys cough"i have to go on pa... i mean work" jake walked him to the door.  
>i walked into kitchen and sat at the table for a whole hour.<br>everyone was still in the living room i heard the frount door swing open but i didnt move "what the fuck is going on jacob i have a slut waiting to get fucked at my place"said a deep voice,istood up and walked into the living room to see Paul the man whore of la push and my brother in each others faces.i got angry that the man whore had been so rude in my houseso i snaped "i just watched my best friend hang herself thats what happened!"i bellowed.  
>He looked me straight in the eye and i felt like gravity moved me,i felt all the pain go for a couple of seconds he beautiful eyes looked at me as if i was his world,i felt like he was my cure.<p>


	3. Chapter 3

The man whore looked into my eyes and i did the same,i felt a pull towards him,i felt as if my pain was being realised when i looked at him i got butterflys inside of me but that call changed when Jacob belowed "THATS MY SISTER!" and then his fist flew into Pauls face i gasped in shock feeling all my pain come bac and then the fighting began.

Paul hit him back in the chin,that set jake of as he grabed him by the head and smashed in through the glass coffe table i saw paul shake as he pinned jacob to the wall and upper cut him jacob kiked him off.  
>i watched in cofusment and shock not able to eldist looking man who i rembered as Sam shouted at them "STOP IT! TAKE IT OUT SIDE NOW!" jacob and paul both looked at eyes were full with consern and jacobs where full with gave me a serious look "don't move untill i get back."he ordered me and by the look on his face i know he wasnt joking and to be honset i had no enagey to the boys followed Sam out side,so i decided to sit next to dad and cuddle up to him as more tears fell.i sobbed into his t-shirt leaving a wet patch on his shoulder, i looked uo to him with eyes full of tears "sorry"was all i could say with out crying "dont worry about it pricesess" i gave him a weak smile in return.<p>

i closed my eyes to rest them because they felt sore and heavymabout 10 minutes later i heard them all come into our small living room.  
>"your such a cunt Paul! my sister really? your not aloud near her shes not going to be a part of this mess."Jacob tried to whisper "she"s MY imprint you cant stop me"paul replied "watche me"jacob told paul through gritted teeth."not get back to your slut" jacob added.<br>i heard a growl "ooii! stop it my pricesess is sleeping"dad told the boys in a firm voice and they all stopped.

their was silent untill paul spoke "i have to have her jake it wil be to painful with out her" jacob must of gave him a death glare.  
>"im gonna put her to bed"jacob anouced but as i felt jacob hands on me dad stopped him. "let paul say good night first" dad told him firmly "fine but im not happy about it"jake grunted out.<p>

i could smell sweet pine and woods i felt a big hand brush my cheek and it felt like sparks when he touched me his fingure touched my plump lips he kissed me on the cheek and backed away he touch was replaced but the comfort of my big brother.i snuggled into him as he carried me to my pink pulled back my duvet layed me in bed and pulled the duvet back over me and kiss my fore head amd then he closed my door and i felt myself drifting into deep sleep.

3 hours later...

...Grace's face came into my head,a leather belt around her neck,someone was pulling it tight until her lips when blue,blood driped from her mouth and onto me i was drowing in guilt and her blood i couldn't breath...

i sat uo quickly in my bed sweat making me hair stick to my face as my brathing was probally the worse nightmare ever the event of the dream made me cry and throat was dry so i stood on my shakey legs and went into kitchen.i got a glass of icy water and sipped as i thought about how i was goning tell georgia.i ran to my room an grabed my phone and text her ME-hi we need to talk asap...:(

GEORGIA-ok i'll be right over

ME-you do know its 3am?

GEORGIA-i dont care

i didnt expect her to be awake but i had to send the text.a few minutes later she knocked on the door,i walked lazely over to the door opening looked at my face with shock "ow babe come here"and then she hugged me with all she had like grace use to and it made me cry.

we broke apart "whats the happened carla? is it your brother?"  
>i shock my head as tears dripped to the floor.<br>"it...its grace..shes dead georgia"i face froze and then tear rolled down her face "no shes not she cant be"was all georgia said before she ran out the frount door in the direction of graces house i ran after her and tackled her to the floor "ITS TO LATE!" I SHOUTED "SHES GONE!"  
>"NO!" georgia cried i took her face in my hands "im so sorry i...i didnt get their in time i tried i really did" i felt guilt was over me as we colapsed into each other crying in pain as the rain hit us heavily.<br>not only had i let one of my best friends die and the other one was suffering aswell.

"were on our own"georgia told me "i know2 was all i could say. Jacob must of saw us out of his window because he can jogging outside and told us to get we got warm clothes on me and georgia crawled into my bed and fell asleep hold each other for comfort.


	4. Chapter 4

i woke up to the sound of rain hitting my window,i looked to my left to see georgia asleep in my over sized bed and then i remember what happened last eyes look red and puff from crying last night.  
>and thats when it hit me,i needed to man uo and be their for georgia,i lost my other best friend from being wrapped up in my own little world.i know it was only yesterday she took her life but i didnt want to feel anything anymore.<p>i got out of bed and plodded down to the bathroom,jaocb must of had a shower because the mirror was steamed up.<br>i wipped the mirror and stared at my reflection,all i saw was pain in my eyes.i could tell today was going to be full of more agony and pain.i couldnt look at my descusting reflection for much longer and i was starting to get angry,  
>angry that i let this happen angry that i was alive and grace wasnt.<p>

i roared"AAAAAHHH" and punched the shattered into millions of peices i look down at my hand to see blood driping onto the floor creating a puddle,glass wedged into my hand but i didnt feel it as pain it was a punishment for being a shit friend.

i heard footsteps and someone pulling at the door."open the door carla"jacob told me, i couldnt hide this forever so i unlocked the door and it opened.i was surprised to see georgias face and behind her was my brother,seth and paul.  
>i looked at georgia as she gasped she came over to me and as soon as she took my hand in hers i cried into her arms blood going all over her.<p>

i was competely broken.i pulled away from her and she was overed in my gave me a weak smile "comon we need to get that cleaned up"the man whore said as jacob gave him a evil look.  
>Paul walked over to me and held me by the waist as me led me to the kitchen.<br>he looked at my hand as he wiped away the blood.

"why are you a man whore?"i asked and i heard jacob laugh from the living room.  
>"im not"was his rely i could tell he was upset i said it but it was true and i felt embarrsed i felt a connection towards him.<br>"yes you are,you've slept with every girl nearly" i stated "well im changing"he said in a annoyed tone.  
>"you cant change over night,its like a drug to you isnt it?"i said "it was but i've got addicted to something better now"he said as he looked into my eyes i felt happy for a second or two.<br>"old habbits always stay"i told him and thats when his soft eyes turned cold and angry "i would hate to be your best friend because all you do is kill then great friend you are!"  
>his words where like veniom.<p>

how dare he say that to me! i did my best and it made me so angry i could of killed him.  
>i balled my hand into a fist and i felt the glass dig in deeper and i swug a fist at his face cutting it with the glass that just about poked out if my hand.<br>i ran up stairs to georgia as i ran up the stair i heard jacob and paul argueing.  
>i grabed gerogas hand "we need to go i cant stay here we need to run!"<br>she looked at me as if i was crazy but i told her what happened down stairs and she said "ok if thats what you want we will go,together."  
>i nodded.<p>

she led me to the bathroom that i smashed the mirror and took the glass out if my hand.i felt the pain but didnt flinch but sat their.  
>she put a bandage around it "thank you"was all i said and she wiped away her own tear.<br>i went into room.

i chucked on a over sized jumped that only overed on shoulder and a pain of jeans was boot,i didnt both to put make up on and just let my wavey,long hair all natually.i let georgia borrow some clothes and packed the rest of my things.  
>"im gonna go home and get my things georgia said in a whisper.<p>

i nodded and watched her walk out of my room.i took my suit case down stairs.i didnt see my dad because he went fishing with charile swan.  
>i opened the front door and walked uo to jacob and gave him a big hug,he hugged me back,paul just stood their.i felt my suit case in the house so he wouldnt try and stop me from leaving.<p>

i saw Paul from the corner of my eye as i pulled away from looked at me and iv straight back at him even though i really hated him i couldnt help but look into his big brown eye and fall even more for him.  
>before i could even blink he was standing in frount of me looking into my eyes "i'm so sorry"he whispered as his hand cupped my cheek. "don't were right, i mean what kind of friend just lets this kind of thing happen and i feel so guilty but i tried my best."their was silance untill i spoke again "i'm sorry for talking about your old addictions and stuff like that..."<br>he tilted my chin up so i was looking at him "i already told you,my new addiction is better." "and what your new addiction?" i ask "you" he whispered in my ear.  
>i was so shocked i couldnt done a awkward cough on purpose and we both looked at him "Paul we need to talk" jacob told him.<br>they both turned to talk towards the forest.

"jacob" i said he turned around "i love you"i told him with a small,fake smile,"love you to pricesess i'll see you in an hour or two" and he walked away.  
>i herd georgia bib the horn of her car it was time to leave.i walked up towards her and when i reached her i told her i had a to do something before we went she nodded and gave me a quick hug,she waited in her car as i quickly went in side my house.<br>i would of felt bad if i didnt tell jake and dad why i left so wrote a note.

NOTE- To Dad and Jake,i've had to leave.i cant stay here memories are all round i cant do it.i have to go and get my head straight,i cant live like this i feel like i'm not living,it feels like im drowning.i can't stay in la push with guilt.i feel as if i cant breath.i dont want anyone to see what a mess i am,i cant fight the pain that is coming.i bleed just to know im i've gone away.i dont know where or for how long it could be,days,  
>months or even years i dont know.i dont want leave but i have to for me and for georgia.i dont want you to worry i'll be with georgia.<br>lots and lots of love Carla x

i left the note on the coffe table,got my suit case and left the placei called decided to lay flowers outside grace's house,i was tears in georgias eyes,so i held her we drove out if la push i felt all the pain being lifted of my my heart acked and i dont know why


	5. Chapter 5

PAULS P.O.V.

i just got off patrol and was jogging home when i heard my phone ring i fliped it open and held it to my ear.  
>"Paul,its Jacob have you seen Carla?!"<br>"no not since i was with you about 2 hours ago why"i asked "shes gone!shes left!"he yeled "what do you mean shes gone?!" i yeled back "shes packed stuff and left you dick!" he shouted i could hear the fear in his voice but then i realised this was good then i could fight the imprint.  
>"what do you want me 2 do? i dont give a shit"i stubbornly said "THATS YOUR IMPRINT AND MY SISTER!"He yeled "just another girl to fuck,thats all i want"i said proudly "YOU KNOW WHAT PAUL?! WHEN I FIND HER I'LL MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS YOU SAID THAT AND YOU WILL NEVER EVER SEE HER EVER!"he told me and i knew he wasnt joking "GOOD"i yeled back and hung up.<br>And then my wolf side told me i had just fucked up my whole future i just got rid of my imprint like i wanted but deep down i wanted to touch her,hold her,kiss her.i didnt just want Carla Black i needed her.

what had i just done!why was i so stupid ans say all of that about her she will never want me imprint was all ready in pain and i knew when she found out it would destroy was to late now i had done the damage nothing i can do.

As soon as i got home i layed on my bed thinking.i cant belive i use girls for just sex,i use to think they were just objects with vaginas but now i've meet Carla i didnt want anytihng else but another part of me just wants to be single.  
>i was in pain that Carla was so far i know i was in Jacobs bad books.<br>i tried to sleep but i couldn't so i got out of bed and grabbed my cut offs and ran in wolf from to Jakes house.  
>when i arrived i went behind a bush and put on my cut offs.i walked up to his house to see Billy and Jacob running fingures through their hair both so stressed.<br>"Jacob!"i shouted "we need to talk!"i yelled at him i could see the flames in his eyes and i knew i had really fucked him off.  
>He came outside and punched me, my inner wolf was telling me to rip him apart but i knew i deserved that punch."i deserved that" i mumbled "yeah you fucking did!" he told me.<p>

we where silent for a couple of minutes untill i spoke "what are you doing?! go looking for her!" i told him "she don't want to be here anymore" said billy intruptting us.

i felt my heart break inside this was going to be really painfull i just knew it.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a 4 weeks since we left la push and i was starting to realise that my heart ache wasn't going to go away and Graces funeral was in 3 days.  
>i wanted to go home and so did Georgia we both missed home so today we where going back to la push.<br>we got in the car and sat their in silance for most of the drive and then we saw the sign that said 'La Push' we looked at each other "you ready to face them all?" georgia ask me "yes"i said wiht a smile but deep down i knew i wasn't.  
>Georgia drove me to my house and left.<p>i stood outside looking at the red house that was my home.i walked up the pouch steps,i took a deel breath and walked inside expecting loads of people but their was no one in.i went to my room it was exactly the same pink walls and the same over sized bed in the middle of the room.<br>i walked back into the kitchen to see it was a mess an absoulouse shit i decided to tidy it up.  
>while i was washing dishes the door swung open.i decicded to hide in the bathroom to scare i was even shocked when i heard what they were talking about,they where talking about started saying that he cant feel his bottom half so sex is pouint less and that made Jacob laugh and then jacob was saying what he liked when it came to sex and then jacob asked "do you think Carla's had sex?"<br>and dads replay was "i don't really want to imagen some man fucking my daughter" and then jacob said "i swear if i found out that happened i would kill that cunt!"  
>and dad said proudly "thats my boy" and jacob said "so do you think shes had sex?" and thats when i creeped up behind them and said "what has it got to do with you !?" they screamed like girls and i couldnt stop laughing.<p>

They looked at me as if they has seen ghost but i couldn't stop laughing,when i stopped laughing i asked "did ya miss me?" wtih a cheeky grin on my face and then jacob picked me up and wrapped me up in a big bear hug squeezing me and he whispered in my ear "dont you ever do that again,i mean it" i nodded to say yes.i went over to dad and hugged him with all i had when we broke apart i asked "so why were talking about my personal life?"  
>i crossed my arms over my both looked at each other and back at me and i noticed how much jacob looked like dad."this is...awquard" jacob said scratch his dad spoke up "well...we havent ever had the sex talk and well...we just want to know your being safe when it comes to...sex dont we jacob?"<br>and he nodded i couldn't help but go red as i said "dad...you...you don't need to worry about that i know all about that..stuff"  
>and the jacob whispered to dad "shes had sex shes gone all red" and then dad asked"who did you have sex with Carla?" so i told them the truth "it..it was Zac Efron"i said as i laughed and they bothh stared at me "i'm joking i havn't had a dick inside of me!"i yelled laughing and they both sighed in relife and then i said "i havent yet but i bet Zac Efron is great in bed.."i fantisized "okay okay!" i heard dad say and i laughed loudly.<p>

I heard a knock on the door and jacob went to get it i heard mummberling and then jacob called went to the door and said"ow look at the time i need to go to the shops jacob your coming with me" and jacob went to say no but dad ran over his foot with the wheel chair.i giggled a little and then i saw Paul.  
>He came in side the house and shut the door behind him with a angry look on his face"WHY DID YOU LEAVE!" he yelled and i didn't answer."well? any reason?"he asked with anger "yes,to get away from here why would it concern you?!"i yelled back.<br>He stood infrount of me and said "i care about you and i need you around me." he paused "your my addiction" he whispered in my ear,  
>he came closer to me and i could feel his breath on my lips,i put my forehead against his as i tangled my arms around his neck,i closed my eyes and then he kissed me,i felt a spark,a warm feeling inside of me the kiss has so much passion. i deepened the kiss amd i felt his hands tangle into my hair as he pulled me closer.i felt his toungeon my lips asking for entrance so i parted my lips.<br>our tounges danced together in perfect harmony.

we broke apart both breathless and he whispered"i missed you" i couldn't help but smile "how can you miss someone you hardly know?"i asked "i know more about you than you tkni miss black" he told breathless and with that our lips met each others as i let my tounge cerlide with his.  
>the kissing started to get more passionte with every kiss,he broke the kiss and started to kiss my jaw and traced kisses down my neck darting his tounge places on my neck,i moaned in pleasure which made him do it more when he stopped i kissed his lips as i pulled his t-shirt over his head,i couldnt resist his 8 pack and felt every single bit of it and the ni sliped my fingures down the rim of his jeans to tease him,he moaned inside my mouth,<br>it made me want him even more i pulled him closed to me untill my back was up against the wall.  
>my hand was on pauls big bougle while he unbottoned my fitted pink shirt with one of his hands on my maggiv boob while our tounge danced and the dad and jacob walked in.<p>

both me and paul looked at them,Jacob looked pissed off and dad was was silent untill Paul spoke up "i've uumm..got to go" he looked at me and left.  
>i was so embarssed i felt like dieing right their on the spot "its...its not what it looks like"was all i could say as i ran my hand through my hair and the jacob spoke "well it looked like you two where ready to FUCK!"he shouted at me i just rolled my eyes at him.<br>"i really didnt want to see him touching you in those places your my little pricesess your not soupse to do those things"my dad said "so its ok for jacob to have sex and i'm not aloud?"i asked and they both shouted yes at the same time."thats gonna change weather you like it or not" i said laughing.  
>dad looked at me and said "i know,but yor sit my little pricesess..wow i really need to ask someone to have the sex talk with you".<br>i saw jake looking at me with wide eyes "WHAT?!" i asked and he said "your massive tits are out put them away" so im embarssment i did up my top, and then dad added a comment "your mum had amazing boobs aswell we use to have fun" and with that jake and i covered our ears.  
>i sat on dads lap and gave him i hug,i was so glad to be home.<p>


	7. Chapter 7

i wasn't looking forward to the funeral,the funeral was in two days,didnt want the pain all over but i have no choice.  
>i was watching tv when i heard a knock at the door."JAKE GET THE DOOR!"i shouted "YOU DO IT!"he yelled from him room,i really couldnt be fucked to move i heard the person knock again and a annoyed jacob opened the door i looked over to see Georgia with a grin on her "what have you done this time?"<br>asked with a smile. "nothing!"she said laughing her head off "what you want then bitch"i said laughing "whats so funny"she her face just made me laugh "your..your face!"i said he face droped and i it made laugh even more "cheers! well..thats my convidance gone.."she said laughing at me on the floor.  
>after out laughing fits i asked what she was here for.<br>"we my darling are going out tonight" "really?"i shouted in shock "where and why?"i asked and her responce was.  
>"i think we need a night and plus its easy to get into clubs you flirt with the bouncers and they let you in and because you have amazing tits you can get them out"<br>heard my dad spit out his coffe and he shouted"your going to do what!". me and georgia both giggled and the georgia spoke up "were going to get your daughter tits out nothing big...apart of her tits their big"i felt a blush creep up on my face.  
>"you are not going to get anything out!"jacob yelled from his room.<p>"she is"georgia shouted back o wind him came out of his room to see use standing their with big grins on your faces "i really hate you two"he both looked at eachother laughing.<br>"i've got to tell you something asap!"i said as i remembered what happened between paul and i.  
>i told her everything in detail and he jaw dropped and then she spoke "you do know you nearly had sex with a man whore!"<br>she yelled. "i know but it was dirrant " i said wuth a blush,she was still gob smacked "check you out! you cheeky slut!"yelled laughing.

"what are you going to wear!?"i asked her with excitment "i don't know so where gonig to go shopping"she told me.  
>after we had something to eat we went to port angles to go shopping after we shoping georgia droped me home and said she had to go home to get her stuff before she came round mine to get ready.<p>

ever since the kiss with paul ifelt as if something was wrong with my brother and his gang of i decided to ask dad "dad? whats wrong with jake and his friends?" dad froze and said "umm i don't know sweet heart." i knew he knew and for somereaon i knew it had something to do with my i decided to forget about it.

20 mintues georgia turned up and he started to get ready.i put in the radio so it was blarring beause thats the way he liked,  
>went into the bath room to have a shower,after my shower i went back in my room to find georgia drawing on her belly and i laughed "get in the shower!"i told her through laughs.<br>while she was in the shower i blow dried my hair and by the time she got out the shower i just finished with the hair dryer so she could use it.  
>i decided to straighten my hair long,brown hair,when i staighened my hair it came down to my waist.i finished striaghing my hair and georgia wore her hair curly.<br>after we both done our hair we sparyed loads of hair spray. And did our make up georgia did her make up in th bathroom while i did mine at my desk.  
>i put on foundation,powder,eye liner,and mascara and smokey black eye linds. with red lips.<br>i put on my outfit that i brought today.i wore sparkly black hot pants with a red cage crop top with black wedges,i sprayed some dior perfume and i was ready.

Georgia walk in the room and whistled at me "look at you sexy!"i coulndnt hold in my laughter "you scrub up well"i said as i winked at her she was wearing a lace top with high waisted disco pants.  
>we went into the living room to see my brother withall his friends watching the football,dad was sitting with them .<br>dad turned to me and coughed awquadly and everyone turned to look at me. jacob spoke up "their is no way you are going out like that!"he told me firmly.  
>and i said "why not?!" and the jake said "beacuse you are showeing off your body! i dont want men looking at you thinking of things they would do to you!"he said in decus "im not changing"i said subbornly and dad signed "ok just be careful,i mean it"he said looking me stright in the eye.<br>all the boys were looking at me and the quil said "your sister is sooo hot and her friend is nice aswell" and he winked at me.

i blew him a kiss and jacob slaped him round the head "dude thats my sister!" and paul growled at quil.  
>georgia walk out of my room and looked at paul and yelded"it that the one you snoged?!"she asked pouinting at him and i nugged her as they all looked at me again."ok where going to get pissed,let men touch us,get free drinks,have cheeky snogs and get our tits out see ya later!" was all georgia said as we walked out.<p>

as we walked out the house our taxi had arrived,we got inside the taxi and with in no time we where in port angles,it was full of teenagers all ready for a night out.  
>as we got out the taxi and went to pay the taxi man gave us a wink and drove off. and i smiled as i said "what a great way to start the night free taxi!"<br>she gave a cheeky grin and said"i gusse were lucky" and i laughed we walked into the decided to go into a club called liquid,as we linded uo we reached the top of the que because all the men let us go infrount.i dragged georgia be the wrist as i went inside the club and the bouncers didnt say a word just checked us out.

when we where inside the music blared so loud my ear drum could of poped,laights flashing around the room,their was plat forms with poles when a fat girl was dancing and me and georgia both looked at each other and laughed at fat girl trying to be sexy.  
>i wanted to get the first round of drinks so i said to georgia"oi bitch what u want to drink?" "shots my girl!"she shouted and i laughed.i went to bar and ordered 2 shots of yaga bombs and 2 vodkas and cokes the bar man who was very good looking said "give me a kiss on the cheek i'll give you the drinks for free" you would have to be an idout not to so i leaded over the bar and gave him a kiss on the cheek leave a red lip stick mark. and he gave me the drinks. i walked over to georgia and gave her her drink and she gave said "did you get these free" she asked and i said "yeah that fitty said if i gave him a kiss i got them for free wasn't gonna say no was i" and then she said "thats my girl!" and after that we both downed out yayga bomb,we drank on our vodka and coke we both heard the song animals by martin garrix come on and then georgia grabed me and yelled "common we gonna dance!"<br>we danced through the song and then make you bounce by dj fresh came on and we carried on dancing we and all of a sudden i felt big hands grab my waist and started to push him self up against me as my bum moved rubbing against his jeans i looked at georgia and she looked at me as if to say yes he's fit!  
>i held geogias hands and still danced with her even though a sexy man was dry humping my backside.i saw a man come up to georgia we was good looking with his brown eyes and blonde hair. the song wiggle by jason durolo came on and she satrted to twerk and i laughed as the mans eye checked her ass out. he grabbed her and turned her around so she was facing him and she gabbed his neck and snogged his face off.<p>

the man we was touching me came down to level with my ear and said in a deep voice "now that your friends busy i want to buy you a drink" i mema i wasnt going to say no!  
>i said ok and he put his arm around my waist and lead me to the bar he ordered four apple shots and 2 pure vodka shots and a fish paid the bill and pulled me to a booth in the conner i sat down and look to see if georgia was ok she was still snoging his face. and then i heard the deep voice "whats your name sexy?"he asked i look at his buff chest and let my eyes trail to his green eyes."Carla and your name is?" i asked back "Darren"he answered abd then he said "you look amazing i know what i would like to do to you" he said with a wink "actions speak lounder than words"i told him with a gave me two apple shots and he had two as we downed them along with a pure vodka shot.<br>he came close to me and said "your a bad girl" and then he kissed me his tounge went in my mouth and i let my tounge play with his,i was only a bit of fun nothing more,paul was way better kisser but ever since that night he wouldn't speak to me so i pretended i didnt care.  
>i went to break the kiss but bit his lip softly and went in for the kill i could even pull away i was sitting on his lap with his hands on my bum.<p>

after like 20 minutes i felt someone tap me i pulled away and turned to see georgia pulling me to go and dance,i lifted my self off his lap and ad georgia grabbed my hand she took the fish bowel with her and it made me both downed the fish bowel and danced like crazy!.

the song i'm bring sexy back came on and we where dancing and messing around on the poles. a diffrant boy grabbed my ass and georgia shouted "oii hands of my girl friend" the boys face droped and i couldnt stop laughing he thought we were lezbians.  
>we decided to play some drinking games with some of the bar men and the fitty and gave me free drinks got to drink a shot out of my boobs while georgia had a mans dick in her face and i got to lick wind off a mans six pack.<p>

i couldn't see things well my eye site was blurry and i couldnt walk in a stright line to save my i was still having so much fun!  
>georgia said to my "co..common we..we are going to go to a strip club to see some sexy men and their..WILLYS!"she shouted and i replyed with "YEAH BABY!"<br>we walked to the strip club next door we stummbled inside and all these sexy men where touching us we got a seat and as soon as i sat down a sexy stripper was on my lap he grabbed my hands and ran then down his body,i looked to georgia and said "this...this is the life my girl!"i said with a lazy wink.  
>after 2 hours in the strip club we where reunited with darren and the boy georgia snogged.<br>they came up to us and asked us to go in a club with them so we did.  
>we got free drinks all night,and when i mean we danced our hearts out we really did stayed in the club untill 4am we decided to leave the club and i fell down the stairs and out if the club showing everyone my ass. georgia laguhed her head off as i joined along.<p>

Darren helped him up and he said "i think you owe me a kiss" and i pushed my hand in his face and then gave him a kiss. i shouted out "georgia theirs one thing we need to do!" and she knew was i ment "on the count of three! 1.. 2.. 3..!" and with that we both pulled our tops up and got our boobs out. and we laughed.  
>we couldn't even stand uo so darren picked me uo and chucked me over his shoulder then slapped my bum.<br>The body georgia snogged rang for a taxi and it came with in 10 mintues,we all climbed in.  
>i sat next to Darren.i felt his hand on my thigh near my lady bits and georgia pushed his hand off and smiled at him,he then put a hand on my neck and pulled me closer and kissed me and the make out sesion started all over again and the same for georgia.<p>

when the car stopped we fell out the car and started making out.i broke away a noticed i was outside my house darren whispered"i put my number in your phone i'll call you" he winked and helped me up.

georgia and i crawled up the porch steps and then i heard a bang and georgia had fallen down the porch step and dragged me down with her all the boys ran out side nd look at us we just laughed i saw embry looking at my bum that was hanging out my hot pants and said "you like what you see!"i said and he nodded his head paul hit him and jacob said "carla put your...bum away and come inside" i ignored him and said"wait a year or so em...embry and i..i will have sex with you!"i said with laughter and georiga shouted"I WANT SETH! i think he would be a good toy boy!" we both laughed but paul and jacob didn't find it funny.  
>"RIGHT THATS IT!"jacob shouted waking up dad beausce he cam out side and i said "hello daddy i've been a bad girl sorry!" and georgia said"yeah she has...she..she got a boys number and he wants to call her when he wants sex you naughty thing"she said as she slaped my ass.<br>i just rolled on the floor.

"CARLA REBECCCA BLACK AND GEORGIA ELIZABETH GARLAND! get inside now please" dad said and we laughed even more we stood up then i started twerking and georgia was laughing in walked uo the stairs and fell into the house.  
>"PAUL!"i shouted at the top of my lungs and he gave me a dirty look and said"WHAT?!" and i was not in the mood for his shit so i yelled back"DONT GIVE ME THAT LOOK I GO OUT AND GET PI..PISSED BUT AT LEAST I DONT SLEEP AROUND GETTINF STD'S!<br>YOUR THE BIGGEST CUNT GOING GOD KNOWS WHY I FELL FOR YOU!"  
>his face droped and he ran his fingures through his hair and then he looked at me with a death glare "ITS A GOOD JOB I DIDNT FALL FOR YOU! WHO WOULD?!"he yelled amd i said "embry,darren,some fit bar man called james and"before i could carry on paul interuppted me "WHAT?! what did james look like?" and i answered with a smug smile "he had blonde hair in a little ponytail at the back of his head and weird colored eyes! still fit though" and georgia said "i think you should fuck him,ride him like theirs no tomorrow!"<br>"YES BABY I AM GOING TO DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT!" Paul pulled me towards him and said "NO WAY!OVER MY DEAD BODY!" andi said "why not? whats it got to do with you?"  
>i asked and he "said i..i will expain tomorrow just..just stay here...please?" and i just said"fine!" amd the jacob said"if you fucked him he would kill you?!"<br>and then i said"his dick is that big wow!" and the jacob grabbed my shoulders he said"he's a monster!" and then he was the love bites darren gave me and his eyes turned into flames,he pulled me over to dad and said"LOOK AT THAT!" and showed him my neck and dad said "i can't belive you carla go to bed and we will talk in the morning." i just said "well we had a good night" and infrountof everyone i took of my heels and hotpants and showed everyone my black lace thong and georgia slaped my bare ass and an to my room amd i ran after her laughing and i heard paul yell"EMBRY IF U GET A BONER OVER MY GIRL I WILL KILL YOU!" and u shouted "i love you paul...i think i'm even in love with you!" and then i fell asleep on my bed with georgias legs on me.


	8. Chapter 8

i woke up with a banging in my head and a nasty taste in my mouth and i knew i was hungover call i could say was "i'm hanging" and fell into my pillow georgia giggle and whispered "don't make me laugh it hurts my head"  
>Georgia opened her eyes and gave me a double take with wide eyes,i started to get nervous as i asked "what!? wwhy are you looking at me like that?"<br>and she started even more "your neck!" i shot up feeling my head ache and ran to my mirror as i moved my long hair i saw the purple and red love bites on my neck,it looked like i had been eaton mouth fell to the floor "ow fuck!" was the only words to say.  
>georgia got out if my bed and put on her jumper and mummbled "i'm going home i feel like shit" i nodded in agrement,i chucked on my over sized jumper and walked her to the door and watched her drive down the road as the dry mud flew every where.<p>i could feel my brain smashing against my skull painfully i walked back into my room i got into my carebear pajamas and crawled back into bed and fell back in to deep sleep.<p>

i was woken up by a banging noise,the sound was so loud my ear drum was on fire i pulled my duvet trying to block out the sound but it wasn't working,  
>i was starting to get angry and i pulled my duvet to see dad,jacob,jared,embry,quil,seth and standing in my room "WHAT!"i yelled dad gave me a look as if to say stop it but i ignored it and said"FUCK OFF DAD!" he said"oii don't swear at me " and i rolled my eyes and mummbled "shut up dad!"<br>he gave me a look and said firmly "get in the living room now" i was being stubbron and said "no.." and the jacob went to pick me up but i jumped out of bed the opposite side and said "come any closer and i will kill you with your own fucking gun and don't think i won't,do you remmerber when last time?"i said with a grin as i remmembered the time i shot him in the bum and he face dropped as he remmbmered that day and he said "you utter she's all yours i am not risking it!"he pinched the bridge of his noise and i knew that he was getting i stood their with my arms crossed,dad lifted his head up slowly and said "do as i say of you will be in big shit"  
>"i don't take orders from no one" i spat through gritted teeth "apart from zac efron" and then all of a sudden leah ran into my room and said "i fucking love him!" and i said"me to!" i sighed saying"what i would like to do to him" leah sighed aswelling while saying"he is a god!"<br>"more like sex on legs"i said with a grin and she laughed and said through laughs "hell yeah!" and the sam said "leah really this is not the time to talk about men"  
>"shut up cousin fucker!" she snarled i was so confused and then he spoke "how many times it isn't like that! you know that!"<br>and i intruppted "wait i don't get it!" i said and dad spoke "well if you go in the living room your find out!"he said in annoyance "you could of said that"i said as i walked out my room. and dad spoke"that girl is going to be the death of me" and jacob laguhed

we all sat down in the living room and all i could hear was my head thumping so was getting really painful i had to take a pain killer,  
>after i took the pain killer i felt all the pain go with in a secon and relife washed over me.<br>"so come on speak up"i said in a bored then dad stareted to speak"you know when we have bonfires i always tell the quileute legands?"  
>he asked "yeahh"i said dragging the word "how could not you tell us it all the time"i said bored out of my brain "well...well their true"he said i started laughing,i couldn't breath "yeah...ok dad and i'm santa!"i said laughing but they all had straight faces i carried on laughing"this is to funny"<p>

Paul grabbed my hand and i felt sparks but ignored the spark me pulled my out the house and into my back garden then lead into the forest he let go of my hand and everyone followed he let go of my hand "stay there and don't move"he told me,i'm not gonna lie i was tempted to go closer just to piss him off but i chose not to. he took off his top and shorts so he was in his boxers.i looked at him i could see his 8 pack and it was a very,very nice sight to see.  
>i looked at him as if he was crazy,paul started shaking and he turned into a blur he was replaced with a gaw droped they all look at me waiting for me to speak but i couldn't my gaw was on the floor.i finally found words "that...is..fucked up!" i yelled dad then said"they all can do that sam,leah,paul,jared,embry,collin,quil,<br>seth and jacob" and then i interuppted "hold up hold up...how come jacob can do that and i can't that isn't fair!"  
>dad giggled and told me"becuse he's a boy he carried the gene and.." intruppted again "that is so sexist you got yo turn into a wolf!jacob does! what about me what do i get?!"<br>i asked.  
>"good looks"dad said and jake yelled"whats that suppose to mean!" and i couldn't resist but to say"it means your a ugly fucker"<br>"great!"he said sacasticly.  
>Paul changed back into a human and was butt naked everyone looked away but me "i'm sorry i don't want to look but u have to"i told paul,<br>dad grabed my hand and pulled me so i was face the other way and i mummbled"your no fun" and he said"how many times have i told you don't say stuff like that around me"  
>he told me and i muttered a sorry.<p>

paul told us to turn back round and i started the conversation again"so it is all true? the wolves the vampires and imprint and all that?"i asked they all went inside and they took me everything about it and about leah and sam and about why they where worried about a man i met called james.  
>thay asked me what i remmember but i couldn't remmember alot.<p>

"so i meet a vampire?" i asked and embry answered with a nod and then it hit me i had kissed him but they don't need to know that.  
>"so whats imprinting then it sounds like something from a love story"i said they all went stiff and looked at Paul and Paul looked at me as if i was all he could see.<br>everyone walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"are you going to tell me?" i asked him and he said "if you want" he sat closer to me and i lent in "go on the tell me"i said.  
>Paul took a deep breath "imprint is when you look into someones eyes and you fall so deeply inlove you would do anything to keep the happy.<br>imprint the person you want to spend the rest of your life person you imprint on is the person you live for they keep you goning and without them your i have to tell you this"he put his hand in my hair and pulled me closer"i imprinted on you" i felt my heart melt,i felt as if paul was all mine he belonged to be he was inlove with me i felt as if someome was inlove with me for who i was.  
>but then he pulled away from me and said "but we are going to fight it,we can't be together its what your brother wants and to be honest i don't want to be with you for the rest of my life.i mean who wants to be tyed down to one person,i don't espachaily you!"he said pouinting his fignure at me,i it felt like he had stabbed me in the heart,it felt so bad i could of died right their.i rememmbered our kiss how much passion i felt and now that was all gone nothing at all i've never felt pain like it.i didn't want him to know i was hurts so i shrugged me shoulders and walked into my room.i locked my door and and slid down in and cried quitely so they didn't hear but i knew they did after 20 mintues i just wanted to get away from i brushed my teeth and hair and chucked on a vest top and joggers with ugg boots and put sun glasses so they wouldn't see my red raw eyes.i took my purse and walked out my room amd then jake asked"you alright?" i ignored him and said"i'm going out,don't know when i'll be back bye" dad called me back "carla?" i turned around to face him but i kept looking at paul and felt broken his eye held hate i felt a single tear escape but i push it away. "take your sun glasses"he said "i..i can't got sa headache hung over"<br>i lied "no your not" he told i opened the door and leah walked up tp me and whispered"if you need a chat call me" and she gave me her number.  
>i nodded and dad said"i love you princesess" and my responce was "i don't care" and i walked out the house i had never said that to my dad when he told me he loved me i would always say it back.<p>

i walked down the dirt path untill i was in town i wehnt into a shop and brought a bottle of 2 bottles of vodka.i walked out the shop and walked down a alley when i was down the ally u got my phone out and look through my contacts i called georgia but it went to voice mail.i remmembered Darren from last night and decided to text him.

ME-hi it's Carla you want to meet?

with in 5 mintuesi got a text back.

DARREN-yeah ok where you are?

ME-down the ally in la push,i'll explain when i see u

DARREN-ok sweet heart be their in five x.

if he was thinking he was gettin lucky he was wrong so so so wrong.

five minutes later i saw someone walking down tha alley and luck for me is was darren he sat down next to me as i passed him a bottle of vodka he asked what was wrong and i told him what happened but i didn't tell him about the woles and all that i just told him that paul was my ex who wanted me back then chucked me away like junk,  
>and it was sort of true i gusse.<p>

"he's a dick! who wouldn't want you? your funny,beautiful,fun,bubbly and so much more" i just took a swig of vodka "don't pay attention to him hes a tosser trust me he will regret it"  
>and i said "you think" and he said "hell yeah!" i just look another mouth full of pure vodka letting it burn my throat.<p>

"i have a shit life"i mummbled and he scoffed "shut up don't let him do this to you" i just ignored him competely.i felt a tear go down my face and Darren put his arm around me,i felt cwarm and safe but when i was with Paul i didn't feel it i knew i was safe and warm but i couldn't have him so i wanted second best and that darren.  
>"do you anyone that sells drugs i asked?" he was silent when i asked and then he answered "yeah why?" i thought about it, why did i want drugs?<br>"to get high so i can forget about Paul and all the shit in my life"i said numly he took that as a good reason "ok i'll get someone down here" he got his phone out and texted someone "their be here soon" i said half an hour later a man with a hoddie walked up to us gave us weed and i gave him 20 pounds and he left.

Darren sat back down and gave me some weed to smoke i put it to my lips and sucked in the descusting dirty smoke but it made me feel like i was walking on clouds and i could leave the pain behind.  
>we got through 2 packs of weed whick is bad but i felt good.i downed my vodka and then snatched darrens out if his hands."GIVE IT BACK!"<br>"NO!"i yelled i drank most of it and gave it back to him i could tell the weed made him act weird beacuse he grabbed a fist full of my hair and yanked it.  
>i couldn't feel it,all i could see was a blurr and u felt sick and then yanked he to him and forced his me to kiss him,he put his tounge in my mouth and held me so i couldn't move.<br>i felt so alone so i kissed him kiss tasted of poisin nothing compared to how paul kissed me that one time.i had enough of him so i punched him in the balls and carried on smoking as he did the puff i took every single bit if pain was gone and the more i drank the more i felt ok.

i thought paul was my cure but i was wrong,drugs and alcohol was my real cure they would keep me going.

2 MONTHS LATER...

it was midnight and i was still getting high with darren,we had been at it all day and to be honest i hated it but i needed it,i needed something to keep me busy i didn't want to remmember Grace or Paul,i know grace would be disappoiunted in me but this is my way of dealing with it.  
>"i..i'm g..g..going home darren" i told him finding it hard to speak.<br>he grabbed he and kissed me roughly and then he bit into my neck makeing me bleed but the pain kind of felt good.

i picked myself up and walked home,all i could see was a blurr,my knees where really weak and my blood felt as if it had turned into alcohol,i craved it like a pregant women craves chocolate.  
>walked with my head hanging in shame as i stumbled to the top of my muddy road,i crawled down the road i reached my house.<br>i climbed uo the porch step my shaking fingures tried to open the door i was to weak.i managed to open the door and i fell in side but couldn't see a thing.  
>i heard my brother in the garden with his friends i heard them laughing and i knew that i had lost everything,i lost my best friend,my life and the person i fell inlove with in less tahn a day.<br>i tried to sneak into my room but they must of heard me slam the door,i hear foot steps running and i pankiked as i tried ti lock my door i managed to lock it before anyone could reach my room.  
>they tried toopen my door but i just ignored it and stummbled over to my mirror,i looked at my hair was wavy and ratty,i had bags under my eyes,my eyes where the size of footballs,i was sweating,i had purple marks on my neck and blood dripping down one fingurs traced over my neck,<br>i looked a mess,don't really blame paul who would me looking like this?i look descusting,i started to get angry,really really angry absoutly fumin at me self.

"AAAAHHHH!"i screamed as i chucked clothes,kicked down my wardrobe,threw glasses around,ripped up pictures,i went mental.i opened my purse and let all the weed fall out of it onto my bed. i grabbed a lighter and lit one i had already rolled i put it to my lips and let the smoke into my lungs destroying me but i didn't care,  
>i needed the pain gone.i heard shoutnig from outside buti couldn't hear well my ears where blocked.i didn't want my dad or jacob or even Georgia i just wanted to be left alone.i felt as if everyone was looking down at me but do i care?no aslong as i could drink and have drugs in my systems i will be more i fake a smile the more it hurts so whats the pouint this was breaking pounit.<p>

i heard a female voice at the door "MUM?!"i shouted i heard a voice that sounded like my brother "I AM FINE JAKE LEAVE ME ALONE I MEAN IT!"  
>i said furry.i saw my door fly off the hindges and i heard a bang as it hit the ground,i didn't really hear the bang it sounded as it i was underwater.<br>i hid my dugs under the covers and spreaded myself across it as if i was sleep try to make them think i was asleep but i didn't foul them.  
>big hands picked me up and turned me around but the drugs had gotten to me and i felt paralized,someone was shaking me trying but i couldn't move.<br>all i wanted was drugs.i snapped ou of my fit and shot up screaming"GET OUT!GET OUT! LEAVE ME ALONE!" and then i saw paul looking at me i looked back at him anger covering me "GET OUT QUICKLY NOW!"i pushed them all out and cried,i felt pain come back.i felt it all over again and i didn't want to.  
>i needed company.i heard a female voice who i think was leah. she pulled me uo and took me to the bath room.<p>

i felt her push my head under cold water and the water hit me like a wave and when it hit me i felt as if i was bo longer on my cloud i was back to reality and i hated it ,i looked at her and bursted into tears another women came in with a shocked look on her took my face in her hands i looked back at her and at her scars on her face she looked at my neck and asked"why are you doing this?" and i answered "to escape p..pain you should try it"i said as i drifted im and out of conshance.  
>i saw the women with scars shed a tear then say "i'm sorry i can't look at her like this" and she walked out.i didn't want fuss i just want to be alone.<br>i got up and walked out,i pushed past everyone and i felt pauls eyes on me but i didn't look at him.  
>i got my phone and rang Darren.<p>

"hello?"darren said in a deep voice "its me carla,please come here i need you!,get weed please"i cried "I NEED MORE DARREN GET SOME!"

"I..I coming" he said and hung up.

i saw Paul come closer to me but u took a step back "DON'T TOUCH ME! I HATE YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I KNOW I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEING NICE!  
>YOU COULD ATLEAST OF LET ME DOWN NICELY INSTEAD OF LET ME FALL FOR YOU!"<br>jacob tried to hug me but i shouted at him"YOUR NO BROTHER!JUST SCUM! YOU TREATED ME LIKE SHIT AND LET ME WATCH GRACE DIE NOW YOUR STOPPING ME FROM BEING HAPPY! WHY CAN'T I BE IN LOVE AND YOU CAN?!"  
>Jacob tried to speak"it's not like that,Paul is dangrous!"<br>"I LOVE HIM!"I YELLED crying i spke again "yes i know he don't love me,i'm just gonna have to forget all of you"

i heard someone shout my name from out side,i ran out side to see Darren holding a big bag of diffrant drugs in the air,ran up to him and grabbed the bag.  
>darren pulled me close to him."GIVE ME THE BAG"i shouted at Darren.<br>he ripped the bag away from me and snarled while saying"you have to give me you body first"he winked and grabbed my lady bits.  
>"give me the bag or i will beat you!" i screamed he pulled me hair so i punched him.<br>all of a sudden i was pinned to the floor with a knife at my breathing was heavy jacob went looked angry and ran over he held the knife closer and said "come closer and i'll cut her throat" i wasn't scared just depressed.  
>Darren came down to my level and said"i'm doing thid beause i'm your friend" i nodded "he kissed me and i kissed him back and i don't even know why.<br>darren was pulled off me and i watched as my brother beat him and then paul smashed his fist into his face."NO!" DARREN!

Paul moved me chin so i was facing him "THIS HAS GONE ON FOR 2 LONG CARLA!" i cried as he shouted i looked away,he shouted again"LOOK AT ME!"  
>i looked at him scared that he was going to flip and beat me."don't hit me please"i told him through looked at at and whispered "i would never lay a fingure on you,i know you don't belive it but i'm inlove with you"<br>i looked up to him and said "don't you dare just say that to make me feel better!"  
>i ran towards Darren to see him on the floor. he was beaten rootin it was ugly to look as "CARLA GET INSIDE LEAH GO WITH HER!"<br>leah grabbed me by the wrist and lead me to the bathroom,when we got in she locked the door and put the shower on "get in i won't look promise"sge said.  
>i nodded.i took off my jeans and top,i undid my bra and took my under wear off,i got in the shower and washed darren of me my neck was less purple and the cut was clean,my big eyes had calmed down,i washed my ratty hair and body.i got out the shower and leah turned back around after i wrapped a towel around me,<br>she smiled and said "much better" i didn't say a word, "you have to sleep on the sofa with paul,your dad wants to make sure no drugs are in your room i didn't speak. she passed me my pajamas and i put them all.i heard a knock on the door and it made me jump. leah told me it was ok and the women with scars on her face said "hi i'm emily,sam you want me to brush your hair?"i nodded my head and she smiled she lead me into the living room.

we sat on the sofa and she brushed my long hair,she blow drying my hair "your hair has beautiful waves"she said and i said a quick thank you,  
>it went silent "sorry for destupting your night"i told her,she giggled.<br>i saw jacob come in side and i stood up he walked uo to me and said "you look so much like mum it's scary"he said as he hugged "i'm sorry" told him "don't be"he told me

1 HOUR LATER...

i was sitting in the living room in my silk nighty when i saw paul walk in,he looked into my eyes and i looked into his,he walked up to me and stood in frount of me.  
>"look paul,i just want to say"he cut me off he putting a fingure on my rosey lips "sshh don't speak i want to show you how much i love you" he picked me up and kissed me,i felt passion.i kissed him back with all i had your tounges reunited as the danced together in picked me up and i wrapped my legs around his waist,<br>he kissed my neck where the bruses were and replaced then with his layed me down on the floor and kissed me on the lips before he trailed kissed down my jaw,  
>down my neck all the was down to my belly grabbed my duevt that was on the sofa and pulled it under us. he mummbled"you have no idea how much i crave you"<br>he told me in a sexy put his hand up my silky nighty and pulled it over my head to relviling my naked body.i arched my back as his hands moved softly over my layed on top of my being careful not the put all his weight on me.i kissed him softly as i lifted him top over his head,as i kissed his jaw,i tugged on his hair lightly and it made him moan in pleasure.i let my hands explore his body, i reached the rim of his jeans.i pushed my core towards his man bits. as i did this he put his hands in my hair and i kissed him softly.  
>Paul pulled of his jeans to realive his was BIG!<br>i let my hands trace the out line if it.i put my hand round his neck,he lowered himself and whispered "you ready?" i nodded.  
>he pushed him self inside of me and i felt my body tremble i moaned a little,i could feel it stinging a little so i griped onto his shoulders "am i hurting you he asked?" he asked and i said "no" as i started to move in and out if me keeping eye contact the whole time.<br>i felt the connection between us and i knew he felt it we touched it tingled on my skin,when i looked at him i felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach everytime.i wanted to spend every second with him.  
>Paul was pumping in and out of me getting faster everytime,he looked into my eyes trying to search for a sign of pain but i did't feel any,i felt fireworks being let off everytime he touched me.i could feel him inside of me,it hurt a little but not a lot.<br>"you in pain?"he asked with consern "no i'm fine"i told his with a smile as i wraped my arms and round his kissed me and i kissed him back softly,i went to pull away and he bit my lip softly sending goose bumps over my skin.i roamed my hands over his entered into my again and their was no pain just pleauser i started off the rythem this time as if i was telling him it was got my message and he move pushed him full lenght into me,Paul moaned loudly as he realised him self in side of me,i could feel it and it made me wamt more.

i sat up and trailed kissed down his neck as his big hands held my naked back,i put kisses on his neck and darted my tounge in certin place's,i heard his heart beat pick up everytime i touched him.i wanted him to feel the way i did so i let my hands trail down to his erection,i grabbed hold of it as i did this he grabbed my hips.i let my hand move up and down slowly then i pick up the paste,his head hung over my shouled in lifted his head up to look into my eyes and i couldn't help but say"i'm so in love with you Paul Lahote"i whispered as out foreheads touched,his lips close to mine "i'm in love with you Carla Black"he said back.  
>it put a smile on my face.i felt as if i was dreamin this was to good to be real.<br>he layed down,so i climbed on top of his and layed my body on top of his,every inch of our bodies touching,he sat up hold me close to his body and entered into me i arched my back in more pleasure and he cressed my ran his hands down my body untill he reached my core and let his fingurs touch it lightly.  
>he pumped into me all of a sudden it started to get really fast but i liked it he pulled out then pushed him self back in with so much force i gasped and threw my head back,<br>he exploded inside of me as he moaned my name.  
>i kissed the corners of his mouth and traced his face with trembling fingures i smiled as i looked into his eyes and saw love."your so beautiful"he told me "yeah..okay if thats what you think"i told him as put my hands in his cropped hair."i don't think,i know"he whispered in my ear sending severs down my spine.<br>we layed down on the floor and paul pulled my duvet over us.

he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.i put my arms o his chest and drew circles on his skin as my head rested on his peck.  
>"that was amazing"he said as he stared at the ceiling i look to him through my hair.i looked at him with a grin and he gave me a grin back as i giggled "what?" he asked and i just giggled "whats funny?" he asked "your so cute" i giggled,he laughed at me and push my hair from my face.<br>"i mean it though,it was amazing i've never ever felt that much passion in sex" he paused "it was speachle for me"he told me openly "and me to"i said as i kissed him "thats what sex should be like"i told him. "well then were have to do that more often"he said with a wink.i couldn't hold in my laughs and i busted out laughing and paul joined in.

we layed their in silance and i drifted to sleep in the arms of Paul Lahote,the man had made love to and the man i was in love with.


	9. Chapter 9

i woke up to hear a steady heart beat,i looked up to see paul,he was fast asleep,he skin was glowing beautifully and it made a smile spread across my face.  
>i could feel something stinging and it felt as if it was burning.i lifted the covers and looked down to my lady bits and noticed it was slowen and red.<br>i didn't really care,it felt compelete that i had had sex with paul,i know people think of him as a man whore but thirs more to him than people know.  
>i know he can be a moody asswhole but thats why i'm in love with him.<p>i sat up as my thoughts carried on,as i thought of paul i couldn't help put get betterflis even though he was right beside me fasy asleep.i looked over my shouler so i could see his face,he looked breathtaking.i pulled to cover up to cover my chest as i thought if last i was in my own little world i felt a big,soft and very warm hand travel up my back,i grinned at his touch and the tingle it left hand traveled all the way to my cheek as he rubbed it with his large sat up next to me,i felt his graze on me as i hid behind my moved my hair so he could see my face i felt my cheeks go bright red and he giggled.i looked up to him with a looked into my eyes and said the words i thought i would never hear "i love you"he whispered in my ear,i felt his words sink in "i love you 2"i said with utter love.<p>

Paul kissed my cheek and the my jaw and all the way down to my neck,i moved my head to the side so he could get to my neck.i felt a moan escape and all of last night can back in then it hit me hard.i don't remember paul putting a condom on and i didn't take the pill.  
>my eyes flew open "Paul stop!"i said loudly he looked at me for a mintue or 2 then he decided to speak "whats the matter?"he asked as he ran his fingures through my hair. "We have a real big problem!"i layed back and closed his eyes "no we don't"he told me.<br>"yes we do"i told him and he grinned "like what?"he asked "last night you didn't put on a condom and i didn't take the pill"i told his eyes flew open as he shot up "WHAT!"he yelled i looked at him then back down to my lap."WHY WOULD YOU NOT TAKE THE PILL?"he asked in a angry tone. my jaw hung open as i looked at him with anger in my eyes "HOLD THE FUCK UP!"i roared back."I didn't know you where planing to make a move like that and I am not on the pill and YOU know that! YOU should of worn a condom!"  
>i told him. he ran his fingures through his hair "were not going to argue about this"he told he,i nooded in agreement "but you know i'm right"i added i couldn't help turned to me and said "really? did you have to add that?"he said annoyed "yes,yes i did"i told him smuggly.<p>

Paul stood up and started to put his clothes on "oi were you going!this is your mess aswell!"i shouted he glared at me while he spoke"i need to go for a run to think"he told me i ran my fingures thorugh my hair with stress "so your just gonig to go for a run? what about this mess were in?! is a ran more important!"i told his with annyance and his excuse was "it helps me think i'll be back soon i promise" he whispered as he kissed my head "i love you" he said as he walked out the house.

i sat on the floor for about half an hour before i saw jacon walk into the living room he looked at me and asked "you feeling okay?" i nodded to say yes i stodd up with the cover to my body to cover my nakedness as i walked away jacob took a double take at me "if you goning to find those fucknig drugs in your room you will be looking for a long time beause i clear you whole romm from head to toe and i swear if you get anymore i will kill you!"he shouted. i got angry and yelled "IM GOING TO PUT CLOTHES ON!"i yelled and he just walked into the kitchen.

I walked into my room and shut the door as i shut it i droped my covers to the floor,i walked over to my bed where all my stuff was chucked on my bed,i decided to put it all away.

After an hour of tidying i put on my dressing gown and walked into the bathroom,i locked to door and droped my robe the the floor. i turned on the shower and stood under it letting the water was away the smell of sex off my body.i washed my whole body and my hair.i jumped out the shower and rapped a towel around my body.i walked out the bathroom and into my room.i dropped my towel as i looked into my bosy sized mirror.i looked down to my stomach wondering if i was pregant and what i would do,i started to panick so i texted the one person i knew i could .

i blow dryed my hair and strightened it,i decided to wear dark washed jeans with a red over sized jumper and black ankle boots,i put on mascara and lip balm,after i was done i grabbed my phone and layed on my bed as i texted georgia.

ME-i done it x

GEORGIA-done what? x

ME-you know...sex

GEORGIA-OMG! i'm coming over for detail!

ME-okay...

within 5 minutes georgia was running up the porch,i ran to the frount door to sand swung it open she ran into my arms and wrapped her legs around me and i couldn't stop laughing,she squeezed me tight and sqealled."I CAN'T BELIVE IT!" i went bright red she jumped down and squeezed my cheeks "aaww look at you!"  
>I saw dad laughing in the kitchen "you okay dad you want something to eat?"i asked. "if you don't mind pricsess"he said hoplesssly,i gave a fake smile as i walked into the was talking about her motorbike she was getting.i made dad a bacon sandwich and put it in frount of him he said thank you and gave him a kiss on the i sat at the kitchen i wondered if jacob was with paul and if so,would paul tell paul."dad.."i said "where jake?"i asked casually dad looked at me "out"he said i rolled my eyes with gave me a cheeky smile and took another bite of his sandwich.<p>

i grabbed georgias arm and pulled her into my bedroom so we could soon as i closed the door she fired questions."what did it feel like!?"  
>"was it big?!" "was it awquard?!" i giggled at her questions and answered "it felt..weird but in a good way..its hard to explain but it was really romantic"i sighed "AAWW! was his dick big?"she asked me "was it big?it was fucking massive like 10 fucking sasuages!"i yelled as we bursted into laughing fits.<p>

when we stopped laughing i decided to tell her about the bad news "georga i need to tell you this"i said with a stright face "go on"she told me eagar to know,  
>"when we had sex...he didn't use a condom and i'm not on the pill"i told her in shame i let my head mouth dropped"you are joking right?" i shock my head in a no montion and i felt tears fall "i don't know what i'm gonna do!"i cried she looked at me and told me "bloddy hell Carla are you fucking stupid!"<br>she yelled at me. "i know!i was so rapped up in the moment i didn't realise!"i cried tear streming down my face.  
>she gave me a hug,she told me we would sort it out and she told me it would be okay. "i have to go home but i'll text you later okay?" i nodded my head as i watched her leave.i was so greatful i had she left i wipped away the tears and strightened up my clothes.<p>

i walked back into the living room i saw dad watching a movie so i joined the movie finished me and dad had a chat about ice cream i know random.

"no i like rum and raisins"dad told me as i scrunched up my face "eeww no way chocolate has to be that best" i told dad as he smiled "you look like jake when you do that"  
>i pulled back my hair and pulled the face again "what about now?" i asked as he laughed "now you look stupid"he told me through deep laughs.<p>

All of a sudden the door flew of the hinges and hit the floor both me and dad jumped out of our skins.i stood up quickly to see Paul and Jacob both at the door,  
>dad looked confused "whats going on?"dad asked both jacob abd paul.i looked at both of them as my heart pounded looked livid and paul looked worried.<br>Jacob looked at me "YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE PREGANT!"he roared with fury he looked so angry like really,really room was silent.  
>"tell me this is a joke"dad spoke at me looked straight at me.I felt my heart heating so fast in fear,i couldn't speak.<br>"IS IT TRUE OR NOT?!"dad yelled as i flinched at his sharp words. "its true"i told him with a whisper,dad looked at livid as Jacob. i looked at Paul aas he walked over to me,he came over to me but i pushed him away."i didn't tell him i swear"he told me with puppy eyes "THEN WHO DID PAUL?!"i yelled at him he looked at me with hard eyes "i was running and your brother looked at my fucking thoughts so don't pin this all on me!"he shouted back at me,  
>"grow the fuck up Paul do you have any idea hiw serious this is? because you seem to think its a fucking run in the forest!"i shouted back in his face.<br>"ENOUGH!"dad shouted,we both shut out pinched the bridge of his noise "how did this happen?" dad asked us both and jacob being jacob answered for us.  
>"how do you think is happned dad?! THEY HAD SEX!PAUL PUT HIS DICK IN HER!"<br>"JACOB ETHAN BLACK! SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCKY SHIT!" jacob shut his mouth with disapporaible. "when did..did you have sex?" dad asked us.  
>"last night" i told him with looked at me with disappointment and i felt bad,my vison went blurry as silent tears fell down my face.<br>"well we need a preganancy test" dad told me. i nodded as i walked into my room.i grabbed my purse and my car keys. "where you think your going?" paul spat at me "TO GET A TEST WHAT DO YOU THINK?"i shouted at him. "your not goning on your own,paul going with her"dad instructied him.  
>"NO DAD THEY MIGHT SHAG IN THE CAR!"jacob said with gave him daggers.<p>

Paul snatched my keys as he walked past me and walked to my car,got in the car and waited for me in the car.i walked slowly to the car to annot him and it worked "would you stop it!"he said as he pulled out of the drive "stop what paul?"i said in a sweet but deadly tone. "FOR FUCK SAKE CARLA! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!  
>I DIDN'T WANT JACOB OR YOUR DAD TO FIND OUT!"i got angry and snapped back "IS THAT WHAT YOU TELL ALL THE GIRLS YOU GOT PREGNANT?!"i soon as i said it guilt covered me and felt face changed from anger to anger and hurt. "you know for a fact i changed that when i ment you and still after everything you still have to make me feel like shit"<br>he said with hurt i knew i hurt i was to stubborn to say sorry right how.

we pulled uo and i looked at didn't even look at me "are you going to get it or not?" he tried to hide his pain but i knew i hurt him.  
>i went into the shop and brought a pack of 5 just in case. i walked to my car to see Paul with his head in his lap,i got back into the car i sat their trying to think of things to say to him. "Paul..i'm sorry"i told him,he looked up and ignored me as he started up the car and drove off. 10 mintues later he pulled into my drive and stopped the went to get out my car but i pulled him back sat their "what do you want now carla?" he asked.<br>i climbed onto his lap so i was facing him,Paul wouldn't look at me so i put my hands on either side of his face so he had to look at me.  
>"i'm soo sorry paul i didn't mean it i was angry" i ran my fingures through his hair and kissed him in the lips quickly.<br>i got off his lap and out of the car with paul behind me.

when i walked into the house i saw the whole pack their including ay the imprints,i walked stright past them and went to the bathroom.i hadn't been for a wee all day so it would be able to tell if i was pregnant or not.i sat on the toilet with the test.i pissed on the hands where shaking,my heart hammering,i heard a know on the door i open it and saw leah i let her in. "you scared?"she asked as i looked at the test "yes scared shitless"i told her truthly.i had to wait 5 mintues and i'll tell you it was the worse 5 mintues of my life.

5 mintues was over.i looked down to read the test that said NOT PREGNANT i sighed in relife and leah did the same,she gave me a hug as she whispered "i'll go an get Paul"  
>i nodded my head as she later the door open and i saw Paul his face looked terrafied,i gave his the test and he read it as he sighed in pulled me into a hug kissing me all over making me giggle."i love you" he told me though kisses and i said it back.<p>

we walked out the bathroom holding hands "not pregant"i said to all of them dad and jacob both look relived by still angry but everyone else seemed ok,  
>"you got away with it this time but from now on YOU my girl are..are going on the pill and you paul need to start wearing a condom if your gonna do things to my daughter"dad told us awkardly.i just looked away inmabassed,times like this i wish i still had mum,if i had mum,dad wouldn't need to deal with my female problems.<br>i miss loads it hard you need to have a mother and daughter talk because i can't do that.

My thoughts where destrupped when i heard leah talk to me "us lot are gonna leave you four to talk"she told us as she looked from me to paul to jacob and then to dad.  
>they all walked out closeing the door behind them.i ran my fingures through my hair in stress,i was upset and confused,i wasn't sre if i was paul's fuck buddy or what, i know he said all those words but did he mean it or not?<br>dad decided to break the silance."Carla can have a chat outside please?"he asked as he wheeled out the door onto the porch,i stood up and went to the door but paul stoped me and whispered"i'm sorry,i was being a dick,i love you" he kissed my cheek and went to talk to jake.  
>i walked onto porch to see dad with his head in his hands.i sat down on a chair next to his wheel looked up at me and sighed with sadness i felt bad,<br>bad that i had let him down so i decided to start the conversation "i'm sorry i let you down dad,i was soo stupid,are you ashamed of me?"i asked.  
>he looked at me for a while before he spoke "i'm not ashamed,disappointed but mot be honest i never really told you about safe sex and stuff like that.<br>i always thought your mother would do that."i saw his eyes start to well up."you use to run around the frount yard playing with jacob and now..now your all grown up,  
>i don't want you to grow up,meet someone,move out,get married and have my little princess and i know jacob feels the same."i saw a tear fall down dads cheek,my dad was crying i had never seen him cry not even when mum dided he use to cry in his strocked my cheek and i felt dorry for him.<br>"dad...you know i'll always be here for you,you know that and jacob knows that to,i know your just trying to look out for me but i have to make me own desishions,  
>i can't always have you or jacob to catch me when i fall i've got to lean how to fight my own battles."<br>"now you've meet Paul your whole world will change, jacob and i both worry about you because you don't know what Paul is capable of carla."  
>"i love him dad,like you loved mum,he means so much to me,i can't le you and jacob drive him away"i told him as tears fell.<br>jacob came out onto the porch he looked at dad and he knew what had gone on "shes in love with Paul" dad told him and jacob face sat down next to me.  
>"i'll always be your princess"i told them both they both smiled at me.i put my arms around jacob and hugged him,he just patted my hand so i climeinto his shoulders while he was sitting down. he started laughing "what are you doing?!"he asked through laughs. "stand up jake"i told stoopd up with me on his shoulders.<br>my head could touch the roof of the porch i leanded back so my back was against his.i looked at dad from my upside down view,dad laughed at me and said "common my babies get inside"we all laughed as jacob carried me inside.

As we got inside i saw Paul on the sofa,so when jacob put me down i sat on Paul's lap he gave me a smile and i kissed him on the lips,he tried to put his tounge between my lips but i pulled away i whispered"wait till later"i winked he giggled and whispered back "i got condoms" i smiled at him and came down to his ear level and whispered "good boy"i said in a sexy boy as my lip brused his ear lobe. i felt his shiver at my touch and i smiled at him with love. he gave me a cheeky grin,as he stood up me chucked me over his shoulder and slapped my ass laughed as paul slapped my bum and he carried me into my bedroom he laided me down and kissed me as he tickled me.  
>"PAUL!"i laguhed "stop!" he stoped tickling and i looked into his eyes."i'm so lucky to you as my girl friend"he told me as he looked into my eyes.<br>i gave him a confused look "i'm not you girl friend untill you ask me out"i corrected him. Paul rolled his eyes "Carla Black will you be my girlfriend?" paul asked me.  
>i gave him a shocked look as if i didn't expect it and he laughed "of course i will!"i yelled i pulled him on top of me,he gave me a smile as i pulled him closer.<br>"not without a condom"paul told me and i sighed as his laugh filled the climbed off me and held out his hand for me to take,i tokk it hand and it fit perfectly like his hand was made to fit mine.  
>i kissed him as i pushed my fingures through his walked towards dad and paul and i felt complete.<p>


	10. Chapter 10

My eyes twiched open to see the scorching sun shining in through my window.i could feel Pauls arms wrapped tightly around my waist, i moved my head so i could memorize his heavy breathing and his,it made me smile to see him look so cute.i pushed his hair back gently and watched as his hair sprung back to sticking up all over the place.i turned back to the window to hear the bird cheering and to see the ligh blue sky.i felt paul move so i turned round to see his opening his eyes,  
>he gave me a small smile as he closed his eyes again.<p>He pulled me closer to his hot body,i wrapped my arms around his neck,i moved closer so i could kiss i gave his a soft kiss on the cheek,i felt something hard between my thigs.i untangled my legs from paul "whats wrong?"he asked as i pulled myself away from him.<br>"have you got a boner?"i asked him shyly.  
>he lifted the over up and looked down at his round looked at me with a smile as he said "morning glory baby"he said as he winked at me.<br>i burted out laugh and he joined in with our laughing fits i had to ask him something "do you that alot in the morning?"i asked and is response was "only when i'm with you"he said as he pull me closer and squeed my caught my by surpirse as i squealed and watched him grin.  
>i climbed ontop of him and layed on his top of him,i felt him run his fingures up and down my arm in effection.<br>"common we need to get up we need to help set the bombfire for to night"i told him as i traced his face with my put both his hands on either side of my face and said through kisses "i...don't...want...to..get..up"he said as he kissed me.i giggled lightly as i rolled out of bed.

i walked open to thw window and opened it letting in the fresh la push air,i breathed in the air and exhaled it in was laying in my bed trying to go back to sleep.i sighed and headed into the bathroom.  
>i had a hot shower letting the hot water linger over my body.i turned the shower off and grabbed a towel.i decided to wear make up today so i put on consiler,mascara,eyeliner and peach lip gloss.i blow dried my hair and put let it go naturally wavey down my back all the way down to my hips.<br>i wrapped the towel around my body and walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom to see Paul.i saw him still laying in bed so i threw a cushion at him that i found on my floor.  
>he catched it and i laughed at his reaction.i went over to my wardrobe and picked out a royal blue maxi dress,i hadn't worn before beause we hadn't had it this hot in ages.<p>

i was confused on where me and paul stood.i wasn't sure if we where together or i was just a bit of fun.i knew what Paul Lahote was like,he would use anyone for a little fun he didn't care who you where.i know he said he was in love with me and he changed but had he really? was he really inlove with me? i will never know.  
>but somehow i was inlove with him so much i mean i fell so hard inlove with him i would do anything for him even if he wouldn't do the same for me.<p>

as my thoughts ran through my head i decided to get dress in the had already seen me naked but thoughts where running through my head.  
>i didn't want to be another one of pauls toys.i know he said all those words but where they true or not?was he trying to get close to me so he could spend more time with jacob?<br>i was so scared that if my thoughts where right what would i do? how would i ever learn to love again.

i got dressed and put on some gold sandles to match,i walked back into my room to see Paul gone,i walked over to my dressing table to see a note.

NOTE-  
>Gone home to get dressed i'll meet you at the beach later.<p>

love Paul x.

i walked out if my room with a sigh,i plodded into the kitchen to see dad reading a news paper and sue clearwater making turned around and smiled at me "hi Carla you want something to eat?"she asked and "yes please"i said politely to sue,she gave me a big grin and got back to work.i sat at the kitchen tsble staring into space thinking about paul and if i was a toy.  
>i didn't noitce sue put my food on the table untill dad said "whats the matter?" i shaked my head trying to get the thoughs out of my head "nothing"itold him was a fake smile.<br>dad gave me a worried look but carried on eating his breakfast. After my breakfast i called georgia.

"hi you coming to the bonfire?"i asked her down the phone

"hell yeah! come and pick me up bitch!"he shouted i laughed and said

"i'm on my way slag" i heard her laugh and u hung up.  
>i got into mt fiat 500 and drove to georgia's and bibed the horn to let her know i was outside,she run outside and down the porch steps and flew inyo my car.<br>"my dad was driving me fucking crazy!"he told me through puffs.  
>"you dope"i told her as i drove i drove to the beach georgia pulled a packet of cigarets out of her bag and put a fag in her lips and offered me one.<br>i would never ever smoke and georgia didn't normally but her dad was pissing her off so i gusse she needed and so did i.i took the fag out of her hands and put iy inbertween my lip and let her light it for me as i i inhaled the deadly smoke i felt better with in seconds,it didn't taste nice but it helped.

minutes later we where at the beach,we got of the car andwalked over to embry and quil and collin who where setting up the for the saw us smoking and went to say something before i stopped then "don't you dare ask why"i warnded them and they all shock their heads and carried on getting wood.  
>i sat down on a log and finished my fag and georgia joined me as we watched they boys work. "are you gonna help?"collin asked us and georgia spoke "of coruse not"she said with a grin and they all wined in annoyance.i gave a big grin "look at the twinkle in her eyes"embry told the others as they looked at me "she's up to something"he said as he gave me a death look but i carried on grinning.<p>

After hours of watching the boys set up the bonfire started,dad told the quileute legands as we roasted marshmellows on the ate loads of food and i mean loads!  
>we all sat around the fire again and had a chat.<br>i was sitting on paul's lap when a girl who looked about 17 walked over to us and coughed i looked at her and so did 's face fell.  
>"what do you want?"i asked with a nervous tone "i'm here to get layed by him"he said as she pouinted to paul "your time is up love"she said with a smile.<br>i felt so angry no not angry i was fumming!i stood up and punched her round the face so hard she fell to to get the floor,i went for her again but someone held me back as i struggled away "YOU SLUT! I SWEAR I WILL BEAT YOU!"i roared with flames in my eyes.

Embry dragged the slut away and i we realised i looked staright at Paul "I HATE YOU! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN I JUST KNEW IT!"i yelled at him as my eyes started to get blurry "carla listen.."he said as he grabbed my wrist but i stopped him "NO!" and i yanked my wrist away and walked back to my car.i looked back to see georgia swing for paul but was held back,  
>she manged to kick him in the balls and i watched him fall to the came running towards me,"common lets got watch a movie"he said as i bursted into tears as she hugged me.<br>we went back home and watched Fault in out movie made me cry even broke me then fixed me and the broke me the pain ever end?


	11. Chapter 11

why would paul do this to me?i told him that i loved him and he does this to me,i feel so used theirs no pouint of going back to drugs,they made me feel better but i din't want him to have an excuse to come to my rescue again.  
>even though he broke my heart but i still love him i can't help it,i fell deeply inlove and i know we wern't really girlfriend and boyfriend but it still hurts.<br>this was tiypical paul.i don't know why i thought he changed because he hasn't and he's showed me that he can't change.

PAUL P.O.V. IN WOLF FORM

i hate myself,i can't belive what happened lasat night! that whore who i use to fuck turned up! i told her to back off i told her i didn't want her!  
>i told her i was in love with someone but no she couldn't fuck off! That Emma slut has fucked everything up! Carla hates me and for georgia well she fucking swung for me,got me right in the balls,i may be a wolf but it still fucking hurts.<br>i know i broke carla's heart i can feel her pain its horriable! i'm the biggest cunt going.

"Yeah you are"embry told me intruppting my thoughts.  
>"FUCK OFF!"i yelled at him at i looked at his thoughts that where replaying last nights event.<br>"dude you really need to tell emma to lay off"he told me as if he was perfect.  
>"i have like 400 fucking times"i snapped back at him "I broke Carla's heart she probally hates my fucking guts!"i added "nnaa she still love you"he said in a chilled tone,<br>"how would you know fuckface!"i asked with anger.  
>he showed me a memmorie of last walked into Jacob's house to see Georgia and Carla watching a love movie,both crying "i still love Paul"she said weakly as she cried more.<br>i felt my heart break as i saw the memmorie of her face she looked destroyed and i caused all of it.  
>i have to tell her to truth she had a right to know.<p>

After 3 hours of patrol Quil took over for me and i ran to the black's house,i went behind a bush a phased back into human form,i chucked on my cut offs,as i walked out of the forst i saw Carla open her balcony door that lead to her bedroom. she saw me,i heard her heart beat pick up as i looked into her beautiful eyes.i could see the hurt in her eyes and it killed me.

CARLA P.O.V.

i open my balcony door to let some fresh air in,and i saw Paul come out of the looked into my eyes as i looked into his and my heart beat pick up,it felt like i hadn't seen him in years when really it was only yesterday he broke my heart.

he ran up the yard and jumped onto my balcony,i took a step back as i stared at him with tried to look into my eyes but i looked away know i would fall for him again "i'm so sorry carla i love"i stoped him "don't go their Paul,it don't mateer we werrn't together in the first place so i don't give a fuck" i paused "i get it i was just a fling to you,its fine"i told him inside i felt like i was dieing but i had to say it even though the words hurt me and i could see they hurt him to.  
>i looked into paul's eyes and saw sadness and anger i could tell i broke his heart and he was angry i did that to him and i felt guilty "you know what?"paul said with cold stonded eyes "i think you right...you were just a bit of fun,your nothing speachial well atleast. i know were on the same page"he said with a fake smug smile,my jaw dropped to the floor.<br>did Paul Lahote just say i was nothing speachial! he had pushed it to far,i know i hurt him but i did it for the sake of getting hurt for what felt like the hundruth time.  
>HE hurt me first not the other way round i said what he was thinking i didn't say i hated him of anything like that!<br>hes got it coming.  
>i came out my thoughts and spoke "you must of read my mind because i was just about to say those exact words."i told him not looking him in the eye beacuse i knew if i did i would cry and i wanted to stay strong.<br>"was you really?"he said with anger and upset.i froze i couldn't get words i really going to say all those things to paul? no i wasn't but i was not going to use anymore,i'm not second best.  
>i finally found words "well..i would of added something else but poor paul was get upset"i said with a fake frown."say it,i dare you"he growled through gritted teeth.<br>"i would of added that i don't really want to date someone who has 200 diffrant types of STD's and get a name for myself like you have"i said with a big grin.  
>"you weren't bothered when my cock was in you"he said loud and proud."it was a mistake i was still high so i didn't really know what i was doing and to be honest you weren't even good i got bored"i lied but then again i put him in his place he didn't say a word back.i just put Paul Lahote in his place! georgia will be so proud of me! and i know if grace was still here she would be to.<p>

i walked back into my bedroom leave paul spechless on my balcony,i grabbed my phone and walked out of my room.i heard paul jump down fro mand balcony and punch what sounded like a tree.  
>i rolled my eyes trying to hold in tears.i walked quickly to the bathroom and locked the door behind me i sat on the edge of the bath and cried silently so dad wouldn't hear.<br>i love paul so much but i couldn't ne part of his even went to say sorry but i stopped him i should of listened,i feel so bad i feel like i should text him but then i'll look weak and me Carla Black is not weak.  
>instead of texting paul,i texted gerogia.i sent one big text telling her everything that happened and how i felt and all that but i didn't get a text back which is weird she always answers her to phone but i asummed she was out with her dad.<p>

After an hour or two i dried my tears and walked out of the bathroom and back into my room,i sat their for a while just thinking i was really angry at paul but i still loved him.  
>i can't help it,i was hooked to him and knowing he had imprinted on me made me want him more.i felt my phone vibrate and i had a text from georgia.<p>

GEROGIA-do i need to go and beat him shitless?

ME-nnaa i put him in his place

GEROGIA-thats my girl!

ME-learned from the best ;)

GEORGIA- ha ha i can't belive its your birthday in a week!

i was cometely forgot about my birthday and to be honest i didn't care about it.

ME-ow yeah..i forgot

GEORGIA-i have the whole day and night planned out for your birthday! your love it i can't wait!:D

ME-more excited than me

GEORGIA-lighten up soppy balls so i'll make you!

ME-yeah..

GEORGIA-look..if you feel bad because of paul talk to him when you him the air.

i thought about what georgia said and it all made sence she was right.

ME-yeah..i think i will.

GEORGIA-good on ya,right gtg but call ya l8ter x

ME-okay bitch!x

i felt a little better now,i felt for confident in myself and for once i felt good about myself.


	12. Chapter 12

"whos the birthday girl tomorrow!"dad uttered in excitment as i plodded down the stairs "i am"i mummbled through yawns.i was tired and if i'm honest i hadn't seen paul for days and i felt empty inside.  
>"whats uo princesss?"dad asked with consern but i just ignored him."dad you hungry?"i asked tryed to get away from me being the subject "i've already ate,sue came round she left you some food in the micowave"<br>he told me and carried on talking "away away from that whats the matter with you, you've been like this for the past couple of days"he told me firmly as he raised an eye brow.  
>i knew what was the matter with me,i missed paul but i didn't want dad to know that i wanted to stay strong i wanted to stay away from paul,i hate him and he hates me and that where we stood with each other.<p>i went to speak but no words came out but before i could make up an excuse jacob walekd through the frount door and spoke for me "she misses paul"he told dad as he walked past me and i snapped badly at him,<br>"no i don't! whats it got to do with you?! you wouldn't even know what it feels like because your to hooked up on bella who DOES NOT want you!"i roared at him in defence,i saw dads face drop and jacob looked angry really really angry.  
>i saw jacob punch the wall and walk out the backdoor and into the garage and thats when all the guilt hit me. dad looked at me in disappouintment "their was no need for that carla that was really nasty"he told me.<br>"yeah well..he shouldn't get involved in our conversation"i snaped back as i stormed back into my room.

i knew i was out if order and i knew i was being a bitch to everyone but i couldn't help it i reallyed missed paul and it made it worse that i saw him with a girl the other day.  
>my heart broke when i saw him walked stright past him without looking at him which was hard.<br>i felt really bad for saying that to jake and it made it worse because he just got patrol.  
>i was supose to be in love with paul not feelnig empty that imprint shit is more could be fucked up in my life? i feel as if i should go and say sorry but a part of me is telling me to leave it.<br>i wanted to text georgia but i snapped at her last time and she got pissed off and i don't blame her really,but she understands what i'm gonig through and she supports me and i'm greatful for that.  
>ever since i found out about the wolves and imprinting my life has turned upside down and i hate it.<p>

i decided to go to the beach so i chucked on my grey joggers and a black long selve t-shit and my air maxes,i put my hair in a messy pony tail,i grabbed my phone and walked towards the frount door but was stoped by dad "where you goning?"he asked in a firm voice "beach"i mummbled as i walked around him and out the door.i got into my car and drove to the beach in silance,when i arrived i could smell the salty sea and the fresh air,  
>i love the beach it always helped me think i gave a weak smile as i walked down the beach and sat in the wet sand,it was raining but i didn't care.<br>i sat their watched the sea crash into the waves as i let my thoughs run through my mind.

i really love paul i would love him unconditionaly for ever and nothing could change that but i knew he didn't want me the way i wanted him well from what i saw at the bonfire.  
>why can't love be like in the movies? then everyone would be always say being in love is amazing but in my case its not,it's shit absoute shit its a load of crap if you ask me.<br>i gusse i have ti try and move on atleast,but not untill i have a talk with him.

hours must of flew by because the time was 4pm and i arrived at 11ish in the rain got heavier and i was soaking wet but i didn't mind,i looked around the beach getting deeper into my own thoughts.  
>i looked toward the forest that the opened up and onto the beach and then i saw Paul come out of the forst in his glory,his shirt was off and he looked justas wet as i was,<br>i turned away looking towards the sea hoping he didn't catch me looking at him,i closed my eyes and let the rain hit my face,i slowly open my eyes and lifted up my head to see him towering over me.  
>i looked at hi mand sighed as i ran my fingures through my pony tail."why are you in the rain?"he asked in a low and husky voice "thinking"i told him honestly.<br>he sat down next to me and i could feel the heat coming off him.i knew if i looked at him face i would bust into tears so i looked down,"you're out of order for saying that to jacob you had no right"i lifted my head and looked at him "who do you think you are?my farther!"i yelled back with an evil spark in my eyes,  
>"no..."he went to say but i spoke over him "don't act like it then"i said bluntly and he stoped talking.<br>"look i know your upset with me because of what happened at the bonfire but..."he went to ramble on but i cut him off again,  
>"you didn't upset me you destroyed me the worse thing is i will always love you unconditionally"i admitted to looked at me with pain carried on talkning,<br>"it wasn't what it looked like,ages ago i told her that i didn't want her i told her i wanted YOU but she wouldn't leave me alone and you never gave me a chance to tell you i would never hurt you like that"he reasurred me in a soft tone.  
>"to late for that paul"i told him as i statred to cry,"i know that but i'm trying to fight the imprint so we can both live our oen lives"he said and my heart broke even more.<br>"you keep saying that!but the more you fight it the more it hurts paul,i know you don't me and to be honest i don't blame you"i told he though tears that mixed with the rain.  
>"why can't you listen to me! i do love you more than anything in the world,i think about you all the time you drive me crazy but i can't be with you,its not what i do"he paused "i want to be the man whore i am i don't want to change and i don't want to change your life either,i'm doing it because i love you so much"he told me as he cupped my cheek.<br>i felt so rejected so utterly rejected it was embarssing i just poured my heart out to him and get rejected i felt sick.i picked myself up and went to walk away but pau grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him "i love you Carla Black never ever forget that"he told me in a whisper our lip nearly touching.i pushed him away "i don't belive you"i told him truthly i saw him fall to his knees in the ran and i ran to my car,  
>my shaked hands opened the car,i got in and speed up the road as tears ran down my face when i got hom i walked to garage to see jacob.<br>"i'm sorry for what i said i was out of order i shouldn't of said stuff about you and bella"i told him looking at the floor."their is no me and bella"he corrected me stubbornly and turned him back on me,i walked quickly inside,i passed dad practily sprinting and into my room.  
>i closed the door and feel to the floor in tears,i couldn't hold the tears in any longer,i didn't like to cry because it's a sign of weakness but sometimes you can't hold it in.<p>

i heard a car pull up to,i crawled to my balcony doors and saw georgia running towards my house.i cried even more and my door flew open to relive georgia i looked at her as she spoke"yuor dad called me"she told me as nodded my head.  
>my bottom lip started to tremmbled and i burted intop tear again,geogia walked over to with with a aw look on her face and sat down next to me wrapping me in her arms and let me cry on her "whats the matter?"she asked as she wipped my tears i couldn't breath from all the crying but i maganged to say one word "pp..paul".and bursted into more tears,i felt georgia tense as she spoke"i'll kill him"she threatned "leave it.i give up with him"i told her.<br>"we can't always get what we want"i stated as i wipped tears away ready for new ones to pushed my hair back and gave me a sad look "i hate seeing you like this,it make me want to cry"she mummbled,i looked at her and felt the tears fall down my cheeks again i gave a weak smile "i think i need to be alone"i managed to get out before tears overed my face again,georgia nodded as she stood to her full hight and left my room closing the door behind her.

i burried my head into my knees as the tears fell down my face like a waterfall i felt like someone had cut me open and left me to bleed,i couldn't breath due to the amount of tears that were drowning me.  
>i cried for hours untill their was no tears left.i stood up on my shaking legs,i opened the balcony doors,i stepped onto the balcony,i took in the grey sky and the rain drops that fell from the sky like cristals.i heard a painful howel rip through the grey skies and i knew it was paul.<br>as i heard the howl i felt pain but not my pain it felt as if i could feel paul's pain if that possaible.i didn't want ot think about paul so i walked back inside and locked the balcony doors.  
>Paul had put me through so much shit but i still love him and that will never change,but i can try to move on,no more tears.<p>

i came out of my thoughts,i stood infrount of my full lenght mirror and took off all my clothes.i looked at myself in the mirror and i realised how weak and silly i looked,its time to hide the pain,  
>it was time to change.i put on one of jacob t-shirts that looked like a dress on me,i brushed my hair letting the lose waves spill down my back.<br>i walked into the bathroom and splashed my face with icy cold water letting the water wake me i refreshed myself i walked into the kitchen to make dad dinner,i walked in the kitchen to see jacob making dad dinner,i lent on the door frame and crossed my arms over my chest looking at dad and jacob with a stright face showing no emoution at all.  
>"great...another leah"jacob sniggered as he tried to insult me he was obversily still pissed at me "and thats a bad thing?"i asked with no expression in my voice at all,<br>"yeah of course its a fucknig bad thing!"he shouted holding up a knife in the air, "well maybe if you guys treated her with the respect she deserves you might understand what shes going got dumped and replaced by her couisn" i stated,  
>"thats painfull"i added in a dead tone.<p>

i could see the fury in jacob's eyes but i ignored it and walked past him grabbing a can of coke and drinking it "oii! thats mine!"he yelled i tossed jacob the empty can as i walked into the living room.  
>i sat down on the sofa and stared into space trying not to think about paul,the more i thought about him the more i wanted to cry but crying is a sign of weakness.<br>i stared at the wall untill i heard dad "CARLA!"he shouted loudly makeing me jump,i whiped my head to look at him "do you want something to eat"he said in a sweet tone but me being a bitch i glared at him and growled"no.."in a nasty tone.  
>dad looked at me "don't you dare speak to me like that! I tell YOU what to do not the other way showing me and your brother some respect"he demanded but i wasn't having any of it.<br>"over my dead body! why should i show jacob respect?!"i asked in shock "because he does a lot for you,more than you know!"dad raised his voice.  
>"really?! because i'm the only one that does things around the house!"i shouted back in annoyance "don't shout at me! i can easily take away your birthday presant!"he threataned "go on then! i don't care! i don't want any presants!"i roared at dad "NO YOU WANT PAUL! BUT HE DON'T WANT YOU SO GROW UP!"dad yelled so loud you could probally hear him from forks.<br>"NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!"dad shouted even louder.i can't belive dad had said that,i don't even know how he knows about that.i felt emmbassed,pissed off,angry and i felt like crying.i wasn't a though person i was weak but i don't give a shit.  
>"NO WONDER MUM'S IN PEACE SHES AWAY FROM YOU!"i shouted back at him in upset and spite "YOUR GROUNDED!"he told me in anger "i don't care!"i shouted back as i slammed my door shut.<p>

i threw myself on my bed and stared at the celling holding back tears but my eyes had already turned glassy and before i could control it silent tears fell and hit the pillow.  
>i knew if i let the tears fall the wouldn't stop so i sat up and swung my legs round to the side of the bed and let them dangle,as my legs dangled i felt my heel hit something under my bed, i froze for a mintue befor i got up and looked under my bed to find a big black folder,i pulled it out curouse to see what it was and on the folder it said "ROYAL COLLAGE OF ENGLAND" i opened the folder and read over it quckly to see what it was.<br>i had two collage froms for a collage in and i can go to england to study and plus i get away from the shit,it could be a fresh start,i might meet a nice english boy who treats me like a pricesess and he would have a cute acsent to.  
>if georgia didn't want to go i wouldn't mind but i know for a fact that i want to a tiny part of me tells me its a stupid idea its telling me paul does love me but obverily not enough.<br>i climbed back onto my bed and looked through the folder for ages but eventually sleep took over.


	13. Chapter 13

DREAM~ i woke up at what looked like paul on my balcony,i opened my eyes and rubbed then and he was gone.i shot out of bed and ran onto my balcony to see him running into the woods "PAUL!"i screamed painfully trying to call him back but he kept running i saw,he was running towards a girl who stood in the forset,he pisked her up and kissed her all over as she giggled.  
>he looked back at me and gave me a nasty look and he was gone."<p>i shot up in covered in a layer of sweat,i couldn't breath.i felt so icerlated from everyone,i felt unwanted and it hurt,it really did.<br>i was wrong i can't be though or brave i'm weak.  
>i looked at my phone to see the time was 2am i was now 17 but to be honest i didn't feel like thinking about it so i erased it fro my mind.i ran my shaking fingures through my hair in stress as i closed my eyes taking deep breaths,<br>i heard someone cough and i looked up to see jacob standing their in only is boxers.i looked at him and then moved my eyes to the coughed again so i looked at him "what did i do wrong now?"i asked expecting him to have a go at me, "nothing..i just wanted to sat happy birthday"he said looking around my room scratching his head.  
>i gave him a weak smile "my birthday is the last thing on my mind but thanks anyway"i mummbled he sat down on my bed next to me making my bed go down lower.<br>he pulled me into a bear hug and i felt my body crubble and i wrapped my arms aroud his back as i cried into his shoulder,jake tighten his arms around me and i let the tears drench his shoulder.  
>"why are you being nice to me when i was horrible to you?"i asked as tears spilled down my checks.<br>"because you're my little sister and i love you"he told me as if it was obvise "you shouldn't love me"i stated bitterly as i cried even more "But i do and i don't want to see you hurt,you mean so much to me and dad you're the most important girl in my life"he told me in a proud tone.  
>i cried even more when he told me this "i know you're inlove with paul and i know paul loves you but..."he couldn't think of a word so i finished the sentance for him,<br>"what you mean it you're inlove with paul but he don't love you in that way yeah i get it" jacob pulled away so he could see my face "no that's not what i ment. you know all about wolvesand imprinting"he corrected me.  
>"yeah well the imprint mus be wrong"i told his as i wiped my tears away "it's never wrong"he stated "and maybe you're right about leah"he admitted shly and i nodded my head.<p>

"dad hates me"i asummed i traced the patten of my duevt "nnaa he's just pissed"jacob casualy said "jacob..he's never been that angry"i said as i raised an eye brow "yeah i know but he don't hate who could?"he asked as he grabbed my cheek.  
>"paul.."i mummbled under my breath,jacob sat up stright and looked at me "you have to let go of him carla"he paused "he...don't want what you want"the truely broke my heart when jacob said those words but i knew he was right.<br>"i can't..while i'm in la push"i pushed the folder towards him and watched his eyes scan over it,his eyes grew big "ENGLAND!"he yelled but i sshhed him so dad wouldn't wake up.  
>"no way are you going all the way to england"he whispered i shrugged my shoulders "i haven't decided yet...i donno yet"i told him honestly "okay..well i'm gonna go to bed i've got patrol in 2 hours"jacob whispered as he got off the bed letting it spring back into shape he walked to the door but stopped him "jake"i whispered and he turned around "i love you"i told him truthly he smiled and walked out of my i heard his bedroom door close i got into my bed and tried sleep but it was no use.<br>i tossed and turned but i just couldn't sleep,i gave up with trying to sleep so i open my blacony doors a little to let some fresh air i cralwed back into my bed wrappnig the covers around me hoping that would do the trick and luckly i fell into a deep sleep.

PAULS P.O.V.

i tried to sleep before i had patrol with jacob but i couldn't stop thinking about Carla,i felt like the biggest cunt on the earth but i did what i did for both of us.  
>i didn't feel as if i was ready and i wanted Carla to live her life before she was stuck with he forever,i know it will be painful but theirs no going back now.<br>It breaks my heart to know that she don't belive me when i tell her i love her because i do love her more than anything.

i came out of my own thoughts and chucked on my cut offs ready for patrol,i walked out of my house and down the road with my head down.i could of ran in wolf form but i chose to walk it instead.  
>when i reached the black's house i could smell Carla's sent,it smelt of sweet strawberrys,it my heart was telling me to go and see but my brain was telling me to call for jacob.<br>i let my brain tell me what to do like it usally did,i howled loudly and mintues later Jacob walked out the house in his black cut offs.i walked towards him and he walked towards me,  
>"you're early that anit like you"jacob mummbled out wuth a tired yawn "yeah well i couldn't sleep"i told him was my best mate theirs no need to lie,<br>"thinking about Carla?"jacob asked but it sounded more like a statment "..yeah.."i mummbled as i scratched my head "look Paul your my best mate and everything but Carla's my little can't play with her feelings because i will kill you litterly"he warned me,  
>"i'm staying away from her for a reason jacob i don't want to but i have to"i told him through gritted teeth starting to get angry,"whats your reason then paul! because no is stopping you from being with her!"he shouted and i knew i was starting to annoy him.<br>"we've been over this,i..i don't want to take her life away from her"he winned back at him as we walked through the forest in silance for a bit untill jacob spoke again "she's really hurting" i ran my fingures through my short hair in stress "that made me feel a whole lot better"i said sacrcastlicly jacob held his hands up in defence "i'm just saying.." he said incontly "yeah..well don't"i snapped back at him,before he could say a word back i phased in my wolf and took over quil and started to patrol.

Jacob's thoughts came into my mind as i patrolled with him,he was thinking about Carla he even showed me some of his memorie which made me feel like utter shit,i didn't want to let my thought go wild but now and then one or two would slip out and into jacobs mind.  
>patrol was really hated it wath a passion and i would inform sam on that one,i spent about 3 hours and a half patrolling before i couldn't take it anymore,i ran all the way to my back yard and phased back chucking on my cutoffs and runing inside and colapsed onto the sofa.i tried to stop thinking about carla for what felt like hours but i couldn't help myself,after what felt like hours i finally fell asleep.<p>

CARLAS P.O.V.  
>i awoke from my sweet dreams of Paul and then realitey hit me and i felt like shit.I didn't want him to make my birthday shitty for me,thank god georgia had planned a day busy day giving me no time to think about him.<br>i rolled out of bed and walked out my room ready for dad to have a go at me but by my surprise no one was in the living room,i shrugged my shoulders and stummbled into the kitchen.i saw Dad,Jacob,Sue,Sam,Emily,Jared,Kim,Seth,Leah,Quil,Embry,Collin,Brady and Paul.  
>My eyes couldn't help but linger on him for a little but i ripped my eyes away from him.i saw dad smile at me but i knew tomorrow i would be in shit again but i wasn't bothered.<br>"happy birthday pricesess"dad grinned while wishing me a happy birthday and i smilied back at him,i was happy to see everyone was a table with loads of prestants wrapped in pink wrapping paper,i felt so poilt i had been a little bitch lately i didn't deserve all of this.  
>Sue came over to me hold a plate of pancackes shapped in love heart with starwberries just like my mum use to make me.i giggled"aaww thank you sue"i told her as i gave her a smile as she handed me tha plate,Sue kissed me on the cheek and let me sit down.i stuffed my pancakes.<br>they were amazing and i was stuffed i rubbed my belly in satifaction and Jacob laughed at me and i grinned at him."PRESANT TIME!"dad shouted and i laughed at his excitment,dad passed my presant after presant and they were all lovely. i got bath bombs,a new bag,a dimond neckless,a pair of heels,earings,a phone case with a picture of me and georgia on it,50 shades of grey movie and so much more.

the door swung over to reavile georgia hold a big full of presants and she was blaring out the song 'My Girl' she was singing along pouint to me which made me blush and then Jacob and Dad joined in and then everyone was sining but Paul and i couldn't help but go competlely red and put my face in my hands and i laughed.  
>When the song finished georgia gave me a massive hug ahe pulled away and shouted at the top of her lungs "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH FACE!"and we both laughed but i swear i heard Paul growl.<br>"will do slapper"i told her as i litterly pushed the gift bag into my face.i put my had in the bag and pulled out a sex whip and on the end was a red love heart.  
>"this could come in handy"i stated as i whiped in on the plam of my hand and she laughed and so did i but everyone else looked shocked at our sense of i pulled out sexy sailor outfit,i held it up a "orlabord the sex boat"i yelled out as i went into a laughing fit ang georgia made it worse by saying "put yout anchore in my harbor" even Leah,Sue and Kim laughed.<br>After the laughing fit the girls had i put my hand back in the bag to pull out fluffy handcuffs and a chain and a black cat mask with leather boots,stocking and a mathcing corsets in the colours black,red,pink and blue.  
>"ooww very nice"Sue said and dad looked at her as if she had grown 2 heads "what!? i do still have sex"sue yelled and seth overed his ears and swore.<br>i was so shocked at my gifts georgia got me but i did love them all.  
>"promise me something"georgia said as she held my hand and i nodded my head "you have to use them"and i laughed "they will go to very good use G don't worry about that"i told her and then she spoke again "ow i got you other things which you will get later at"she looked at the clock on her phone and then carried on speaking "1pm"she told me with a twinkle in her eyes.<br>i knew what she had got me and o was so excited "YOU DIDNT! i yelled in excitment and she gave me as grin as i stood up in shock "I DID!" she shouted back and we both i threw my arms around her and jumped in excitment.  
>"OW ON FUCKING GOD!"i squalled "what she get you?"jacob asked "A NAKED BUTLER!"i screamed back at him and he laughed i knew he didn't like it really.<br>i saw paul storm out of the house and slam the door behind him.i felt sorry for him but i didn't show it.

"why can't all girls be like you two"collin asked and we both grinned "it not easy being classy but saucy at the same time"we said together.  
>"offers still on seth" georgia told him as she winked and i saw him swallow hard,"come on madem Carla you dad and jacob have one more prestant for you"sue said and i couldn't stop laughing at the madem bit.<br>dad looked at sue and she turned to him and spoke aloud "i'm sorry billy i just had to say it after what georgia got her"sue giggled Dad grabbed my hand and pulled my towards the frount door,i felt quil cover my eyes as i walked out side.  
>we stopped walking and quil moved his hand to reavile a white BMW 435i converiable.i don't think i ever screamed so loud as i jumped onto my dad plant kisses all over his face as he giggled.,i saw jacob walk out of the garage with the keys.<br>i looked at him and jumped off dad and jumped onto jake and kissed him on the cheek as his husky laugh filled the air, jumped of jake and looked at them both "thank you"i told them as i gave then a big hug each.

i couldn't belive they got me car! you should see gergoia's face right now her jaw is on the floor."common Georgia were go for a spin"i shouted at her and she squalled.  
>"you're still in your pjamas"Sam reminded me,i looked down at jacob over sized t-shirt that looked like s dress on my "who gives a fuck!"gerogia shouted and i agreed with her as i open the car and jump in the drivers seat.<br>Georgia's standing outside "what are you doing get in"i tell her but she had a reason like always "put the roof down i wanna do something" i give her a confused look but put the roof down anyway.  
>the roof was down,i was georgia step back a couple of steps and then all of a sudden she was running at my car! i screamed as i watched her jump into the car and land in the passanged seat next to me.<br>I couldn't stop laughing after that "that was not a good idea"she groaned but i carried on laughing "i thought it was fucking funny"i told her through laughs "i think i broke my ass!"she squalied as joined me in laughing.

i started up the car speed of down the road at 90 mph i think i heard someone shout "SLOW DOWN!" but i didn't listen.i felt the wind blow my hair around and it felt amazing.i could hear georgia laughing when ever i went faster,and that made me smile.  
>i go down a couple of motorways and then speed back home to find everyone's gone back inside,i turn the engin off and then look at georgia "so whats gonig to happen today?"i ask and insantly see her face lighten up.<br>"well you're gonna get dressed then were goning to go shopping for an outfit for you were gonna come back for lunch let you have your butler then chill and then get wastied tonight"she told me and i couldn't of been more happy.  
>"i'm so glad i have you"i told her honestly she patted my arm "ooww i got one for thing for you"she told me and i smiled as i watched her fish in her pocket.<br>she pulled out a pinl envolpe and place it into my plam "open it!"she told me i got so excited i ripped open the envople i looked in side and i saw some ticket and on the tickets it said "1st class flight to IBIZA!" my jaw fell and i saw georgia grin at me and i screamed sl loud evveryone ran outside.  
>i screamed again a jumped onto georgia's lap and squeed the shit out her litterly.i everyone standing their including pau, i look at them all as i scream "I'M GOING TO IBIZA BABY!"<p>


	14. Chapter 14

i couldn't belive i was going to go i ibiza! i was so excited i really do have the best friend ever!  
>"I'M SO EXCITED!"i squeeled as i jump up an down,georgia had a smirk on her face and so did Jacob i heard Paul say one of his smart remarks "your fit in their with the rest of the sluts then"he told me with a grin but i had a comback ready "you've had a few sluts in your life so i'm sure their all know who you are"i told with a sweet smile.i heard Embry chuckle but stop as soon has Paul glared at him.<br>"included you yeah"he told me and that got my back up i was NOT one of his sluts! i was his imprint.i gusse the imprint was ment for us to be "friends" but i dodnt want to be friends with him,i want to love him and it hurt even more that he is nasty to me but i can't stop the love i feel for him.i don't show i love him but i do.  
>"no paul was NOT one of your sluts.i gusse I just USED you for something and you know what i used you paul fell into my trap"i todl him was a fake frown but really wanted to cry,i was paul fill with anger,he stood their shaking for a couple of mintues.<br>i looked into his eyes and i saw him look into mine.

i watched as he tore his eyes away from mine and stormed off with jacob right behind him followed but jared and sam,i shook it off and smiled at everyone but the awkard silance was thick in the air but luckly Georgia broek the tenshion "Right come on birthday bitch you need to get ready so we can go shopping!"  
>emily agreed with georgia and all the girls rushed me into the house as the men stayed outside for somereason.i went into my room and put on a denim skater dress with black wedge trainers because the weather was hot luckly.<br>i put on some make up and put lose curls in my long,brown hair,i looked at myself in the mirror and decided i looked fine.i sprayed some dior perfume.  
>i locked my balcony door as i looked out i saw paul walk back towards the house and i imeditly felt my heart beat faster and my hands statred to boy really did something to me i can't explain.<br>i saw him look into my room and i knew he saw me but i carried on locking the door with my shaking hands.i started to feel emoutions get the better of hands where shaking as i tried to lock the doors,i let a tear fall down my face but i wiped it away quickly and took a deep breath.  
>i didn't want to be upset,i took some more deep breaths and walked into the living roomi saw all the girls sitting down and i decided i wanted to tell them about england.<br>i opened my mouth and it all rushed out "I'm moving to england"i said to quickly i was hoping it was going to go more smoothly but it didn't.  
>they all looked at me as if i had grown another head "WHAT!"sue yelled "you can't go all that way on her own! your only 17 for god sakes!" i looked at georgia and for once in my life i saw her like she was lost,like she had no where to go.<p>

i watched as georgia stood up and i saw a tear go down her face as she walked outside i instantly followed her called her name "georgia! come here i want to talk to you!"i yelled.i watched as she turned around slowly she opened her mouth "you can't do this to me! i already lost grace not you aswell"she shouted at me as tears spilled over her eyes i felt an awe feeling inside me and i'm pretty sure i showed it on my face "georgia,i want to go i need to go to a collage thier and" she cut me off "no you have to go! you have to get away from here beacuse i know deep down your dieing inside and you know it aswell but your to scared to show it.i know to too well carla black"she told me poiunt a fingure.  
>i was speachless she was right and i knew she was,she was spot on but i couldn't speak u just let a tears fall down my face."i know your hearting Carla please don't go"she begged "i need you"she told me with tears in her eyes.<br>i shook my head "I...I can't georgia. its killing me here.i can't think.i can'tlive.i can't even breath,i'm getting weaker everyday i can't live everyday wishing i could disapper"i told her truthly.  
>"but i need you! GRACE IS GONE AND NOW YOUR LEAVING!" she wipped her tears "your all i have left! my dads in a bad place at the moment becuse mum decided to leave us"<br>she told me "your thing that keeps me going at the moment" i walked up tp her and took her hands in mine "come with me?"i told her but i sounded more like a question.i saw tears spill from both out eyes.  
>georgia walk to her car and told me she had to go home to think but she would be back in about an hour i nodded my head.i could understand why she wanted to think so i wipped my tears away well..my birthday was fucked.<p>

i didn't know the whole time we had an the men where standing their.i looked at dad who looked empty "your going?"dad asked me with upset in his eyes "y..yes"i told him as i looked at him square in the eye "i..i can't stay here dad. i can't stay somewhere were all i can feel is heartbreak and pain"i told him i saw tears go down dad cheek and dad never ever cried,jacob but his hand on dad shoulder.  
>"is this really what you want?"jacob asked me and i answered stright away "i have no choice" i saw jacob nod his head as he spoke "when you told me i thought you where just upset.i didn't know that you felt the way you do"he told me sadly.<br>i shrugged my shoulders "i don't want to live the rest of my life in this pain"i said as i looked at all the pack and then my eyes hooked on paul i watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took,i looked at his beautiful brown eyes.

i felt pauls eyes on my face and i saw surprized when he spoke "your my imprint i can't live without you,i need you like i need air" he chocked out i felt my heart split into two at his words but then i thought about all the pain he caused me.  
>"your have to live without air then"i told him stubornly i looked at him and watch as TEARS! fell out of Paul Lahots eyes! i was shocked but it caused tears even more tears on my eyes.<br>i watched as the sun lit up paul's face showing all his glory and i couldn't take it anylonger. "i'm going to beach i told dad as i ran up the path and all the way to the beach.

when i arrived at the beach it was empty which surprized me but then i remmbered everyone was probally at the new water park in folks.i was out of breath and i felt chocked up with tears.  
>i walked along the beach and sat down in my normal spot.i put my head in my lap and cried for a little about half an hour i stoped crying ans just watched the wave crash.<br>i decided to go into the sea so i took of my shoes and walked to the waves that crashed into the sand.i pulled my skater dress over my head and let it hit the floor,i looked at mt underwear and noticed i was wearing a pretty lace bra with matching least the underwear where pretty because right now i felt alone and ugly.

i stepped into the water and insatntl felt the warm water cover my skin and it felt amazing i walked deeper into the water untill it came jus under my bra.i closed my eyes and took a deep breath but a curtin voice scared my to death "i wouldn't go to deep it can be dangrous"i jumped and turned to see Paul he was shirtless in the water and i felt my hear skip a beat i noticed i was in my bra and shouted "don't look i'm in my bra!" but paul just giggled "i've already seen you naked i'm sure i can see you in a bra"he satated and i felt stupid.  
>"but i think you look beautiful"he told me as he walked closer to me.i turned back around so i was facing to ocean and ask "what do you want paul?"i asked with teard in my eyes.<br>"can't you see what you've already done to me and you want to make it worse?"i asked not giving him a chance to speak "too late paul it already got worse and right now i want to drown myself so let me die in peace"i told him as i shed a tear.  
>i heard his sigh and then he spoke "don't say things like that carla.i didn't mean to hurt you..its..its just i'm all over the place at the moment"he tired to explain#<br>but i was having none of it "that does not give you reason to be a cunt to me!"i scramed at him "i know i just need time.."he went to carry on but i cut in "i am not going to wait forever for you Paul,i'm already in love with you and it hurts to be away from you paul.i cant spend years like that wait for you to love me"i told him as i turned to face him as we both walked towards eachother.

"i already inlove with you carla" he whispered to me but i shook my head as i let a couple od tears whiped my tears away and spoke "i don't want to see you cry"he paused "can i have a hug?"he asked i instantly wrapped my arms around his neck,i felt him wraped his strong arms around my body and i felt at home at last.  
>i felt fireworks go off as our bare skin touched.i rested my head on his shouler.i felt something wet hit my cheek and i looked up to see paul crying.<br>"why are you crying?"i asked him and he told me truthly "your going to ..and its all my fault.i don't want to let you go"he told me as he cried.  
>i whipped his tears away and whispered in his ear "you want to fight the imprint and this will help"i felt teard on my cheeks now "i don't want to fight it anymore.i can't go on without you. your my everything carla"he told me and i looked down.<br>paul tiltee my chin up and asked me a question "do you forgive me?"he asked and i instantly said "yes,i could never say no to you"i told him as i traced his face.  
>"please don't go to england.i want to be with you forever"he looked into my eyes and i knew he ment every single word but all i could say back was "kiss me paul"<p>

without hesatastion i felt his plump warm lips crash onto mine and i felt sparks picked me up and all i could do was tangle my fingures in his short hair,i kissed him with so much passion i could of exploded!  
>our tounges join together and i felt all the pain leave my body and replaced with broke the kiss "does that mean your stay?"he asked and i giggled "yes paul" and then he asked another question "so does that mean your my girlfriend"<br>i didn't even answer him i juat casahed my lips to his and asked "what do you think?"i felt him smile in the kiss and it made me smile "i take it as a yes"he whispered before me kissed my with passion.  
>i felt his hands go to my hair and i let my hands explore his abs as we kissed after what seemed for ever we broke apart both heaily breathing. "i'm never letting you go Carla"paul told me i couldn't help but make his promise so i did.<br>"do you promise paul? sware on my life?"i asked serisloy and he response was "i promise,Carla i swear on our unborn childrens lives"he told me and i laughed at him and he joined in after out laughed diecd down we looked into eachother eyes and shared more kisses full of passion.  
>i am noe compelte<p>


End file.
